I have a confession to make — there have been many moments throughout my time in China where I’ve thought, really thought, about how nice it would be if my boyfriend and I could switch ethnicities.
Yup. You got that right. Switch ethnicities. Is that too shocking a confession?
He would be the Southeast Asian of Chinese descent, and I would be Jewish-American from the Midwest. We would be that celebrated sort of interracial couple, the Asian man with the white woman. Sure, people would stare at us, and make comments at times, and there would be social and cultural barriers to overcome together, but most of the time, we would be lauded and respected as a couple who dared to love beyond race! It would be awesome! I thought.
And then I could join the community. The community of visibly foreign women with Asian men. You know, my favorite China blogs are blogs written by foreign women with Chinese partners. Speaking of China. Life Behind the Wall. Tales from Hebei. They are so funny, so candid, so insightful. I love the warmth and camaraderie and support these women have for each other, and sometimes, I wish I were a bona-fide part of the group.
Instead, I am part of a different foreign/Asian community in China: the predominant one of Asian women with white men. For some reason I don’t have many friends in this community. I’m a little lonely sometimes. And those I do know, well, the racial dynamics of our relationships are not really something we talk about. Sometimes, it’s like a hush-hush topic, even though we are the most common white/Asian pairing. And, on those occasions when the issue does come up, it’s usually with a lot of defensiveness.
“So what?”
“No big deal.”
“We’re just like every other couple.”
“She doesn’t only date white guys.”
“He does NOT have Yellow Fever!”
I understand this defensiveness. I feel this defensiveness almost every day. This entire post stems from that defensiveness. I’ve written about these feelings before, in my post about The Asian Girlfriend Complex. A reader told me to get over it and grow up. Someone else said it was in my head. But a lot of people… they felt the same way. They were tired of being viewed as “lesser,” “less serious,” “kinky” couples because the man was white and the woman Asian.
I know that the white male/Asian female pairing has endured numerous negative associations. Words that immediately come to mind: Opportunistic. Gold-digger. Fetish. Sexualization. Stereotypes. White-worship. Money. Exploitation. Lust. Pinkerton Syndrome. ‘Sarong Party Girl’ behavior was something I was warned against growing up.
I know why these associations exist today.
There are poorer women in China and the rest of Asia who view a foreign man as a meal ticket.
There are Asian women who only date white men because most of the men they meet are white, and/or they find them more culturally/sexually appealing.
There are white men who only date Asian women because of the society they live in — where the women are mostly Asian — or yes, they do find Asian women more culturally/sexually appealing.
There are white men who come to Asia to hook up with local women in all the ‘seedy’ places you can think of.
There are local women who go to these places to hook up with the white men who come to Asia.
And then there are cases like mine — a mutual friend introduces a man and a woman and they decide, hey, we get along, we like each other, we both like eating, and books, and the Barbie store, why not? And oh, by the way, they happen to be white and Asian, respectively.
Unsurprisingly, it seems like the latter group are the people most bothered by the negative associations. My friend Xiaoli, who is Chinese-American, has, in her past, dated Chinese, Korean, white, Kenyan, Ghanian, and Syrian men; “I’m like an equal opportunity employer,” she jokes. She has only two preferences in men: one, that they are men; two, that they turn her on. And yet, she got the worse flak when she was with her white boyfriend. “People made offhand comments about Yellow Fever and me dating only white men — what they heck, I’ve only dated one! — and I felt like I had to defend myself all the time,” she says. “I actually felt freer when I was with my Kenyan boyfriend — believe it or not, people laid off the racial comments. Most of the time we just got a thumbs up.”
Women with a preference for black men get a thumbs up. Women with a preference for Asian men get a thumbs up. Women with a preference for Middle Eastern men get a thumbs up. Women with a preference for white men get a thumbs down. Generally true?
I’ve mentioned my boyfriend a number of times on this blog, mostly in the context of intercultural dating. I’ve shared that he’s white. I’ve shared that I’m dating one white guy. The only white guy I’ve ever been with. In response, I’ve gotten the following bull comments from certain readers.
Comment on a post about romantic Chinese phrases, for goodness sake:
You Chinese girls with a white preference are hilarious!! It would be easier for you to accept that your racist than to simply say you have an aesthetic or cultural preference for white men. Look up the UN definition of racism rather than coming up with a definition on your own.
Also on the romantic Chinese phrases post, from a repeated harasser who is now blocked:
obviously she’s not doing as well as you because her new bf isn’t a white guy, eh?
haha typical americanized asian girl
On Revenge of the Tiger Wife, left by a very angry Korean reader:
Seriously, if you and your bf broke up, WHO could find another interracial relationship quicker?
Western guys in asia don’t care…they know they don’t have to put up with shit cause they can find another self-hating, white-wannabe asian girl any night of the week
On my personal post about Loving a Shorter Man:
yet another weird pasty white guy with another self-culture-hating asian girl who desperately wants to be white herself…
YAWN
I’ve received other racial remarks and emails that have little to do with my posts. And it makes me wonder about the China blogosphere — are there other Asian women out there writing about their relationships with white/foreign men, blogs that are a reverse Speaking of China and the others I mentioned previously? I can only think of LoveLoveChina, a great blog written by a Chinese girl with an Israeli boyfriend, but — maybe I’m wrong — her blog is less on personal struggles and more a compendium (by Crystal and guest bloggers) of wonderful articles on Chinese women. Have I set myself up as the go-to blog for angry people wanting to tear apart Asian women who are with white men?
I guess I should take heart in the fact that despite the negative associations and pairings that give us a bad name, genuine, loving relationships between white men and Asian women still flourish and will continue to flourish. White guys will still come to Asia and fall in love with local girls (whom they meet at school, in the workplace, on the bus… not just in bars or massage parlors or KTV, really) and Asian women in China and abroad may meet nice goofballs who are interested in Asian cultures, understand what it’s like being caught between East and West, and just happen to be white.
(A part of me thinks it’s a fun idea to march around with signs like “DATING WHITE! NOT A GOLD-DIGGER!” or “MY RIGHT TO DATE WHITE” or “WE’RE NOT ALL SPGs,” until I remember that there are people who are legally discriminated against for loving who they love, and then it puts things in perspective.)
Update 18/5/12: Many months ago, a life-changing event both devastated me and gave me clarity. I have since gotten married, and have stopped writing about this topic. Please see my final post on Asian/white interracial relationships. I wish you the best of luck in your relationships, interracial or otherwise.
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To end bias against WM/AF would require ending racist white male privilege that puts white male in a higher social position than Asian male(Both in the west and in the east). Which majority of white men would never do since few people would voluntarily end their own privilege, even if it’s unjust. Furthermore, when WM/AF paring occurs, it only serves to reinforce that privilege. On the other hand, the reason why AM/WF gets more support than the reverse is because such pairing challenges the racist white male privilege that says Asian male are not as good as white male. So the way I see it, since your relationship is a symbol for racist white male privilege, you could help fight against it by focusing more on creating positive image for Asian male in your future blog posts. Doing so might even let you win over some of your more angry commentators whom I assume are Asian males.
Wow, totally agree with the commenter above.
Yeah, EVERYONE who is asian (anywhere in the world) or white who lives in asia or a predominantly asian community abroad KNOWS that WM/AF couples are easy to find, common, and indeed, even EXPECTED.
Frankly, it’s pretty tiring to hear another asian girl complain about it. Why? because your situation isn’t bad at all. Statistics show that Asian females are the number one group (of any ethnicity OR gender) that is likely to date out of race. And of course, given the prevalence of white privilege, it’s gonna be with a white guy. So exactly how are you suffering again?
As an asian guy, it’s easy to say “oh so many asian girls just want white guys”. But that’s not true actually. Of course the majority of asian women in the world like asian guys…that’s why there’s so many asians. But I’ve found you got to pick and choose, especially when you’re in Asia. i live in Korea, and I completely avoid ALL asian girls here that speak english close to native level and/or have lived overseas. Because, per the above commenter, once an asian girl has been exposed to western culture (and all the associated white privilege), she becomes completely corrupted. I guess they can’t help it…constant images of emasculated asian men and completely incorrect fantasies about the virtues of “more romantic, more considerate” white men compared to asian men.
But it all comes down to attitude. I’ve found SO many asian girls who hate white guys and their conceited attitude they bring. Not only the conceit, but the cultural ethnocentrism….western is the only way and everything else is stupid and backwards. Hell, even the writer of THIS blog basically criticizes her OWN race and culture once a week in a post. How many times do I have to hear another asian girl here or 8asians.com complain about how stupid/silly/backwards her Asian mom is? Workplaces are insufferable, comments by chinese are stupid, an old man talking annoys me…oh, but my white knight is a beacon of hope. To me, no offense, it seems he’s nothing more than validating your cultural identity crisis. You come to China and cannot handle how “different” you are, although you’re chinese and speak chinese. So here to the rescue is Mr. Whitey to remind you that THEY have the problem, not you.
So while anyone should date anyone they want…that doesn’t mean you are some victim and people must agree with you. You chose to date a guy who can’t/won’t get a job back home and who, for no particular reason at ALL, lives in a country half a world away from his homeland. Guess what? That’s freaking WEIRD!!! Just think about it~ and YES, people have the right to question why you would do that. And NO, that doesn’t make them bigoted, racist, or insecure about themselves…that makes them normal in my book. Of course, you don’t have to answer them…but hey, let’s be real. I mean seriously…why is a random white guy in asia again?
Just my two cents…
jkim -
I wonder how you square the fact that you are an Asian male in Korea who writes English at a native level, with your claim that: “I completely avoid ALL asian girls here that speak english close to native level and/or have lived overseas.”
Like the Asian girls you’ve just indicted, are you, too, “completely corrupted,” or do you just happen to hold the view that women are less capable of handling the corrupting influence of Western Culture. If the latter, one might be led to believe that you are the owner of a viewpoint that, at best, can be described as chauvinistic, and at worse (and perhaps more accurately) as misogynistic. In any case, such an opinion – that Asian women untouched by the West are more pure than those that have been – is the sort of thing that I associated with White Colonialists, and not good young Asian men like yourself.
The taken-for-granted “truths” expressed in jkim’s comment are the reason why I wrote this blog post in the first place. To summarize the comment author’s assumptions:
1. Asian women who are fluent in English and/or have lived overseas are automatically corrupted.
2. Asian women (who are corrupted) avoid Asian men because of, a) images of emasculated Asian men; b) notions of romantic, considerate white men.
3. White guys (in Asia) are conceited with little respect for or understanding of Asia.
4. White guys are in Asia because they are losers back home.
THUS
5. Asian women dating white guys in Asia are corrupted race betrayers who attach themselves to arrogant losers with nothing going for them but their white skin.
This comment from jkim is less a response to anything in my blog post, and just a reiteration of the biases/assumptions attached to WM/AF pairings.
Also, I have never complained about my stupid/silly/backwards Asian mother, because I don’t have one.
1. They are not automatically corrupted. It just comes down to if you can think for yourself or not. If they can escape the culture and media that tells them everywhere that white culture is superior, then they will be fine.
2. There are asian women who feel like white people are more romantic thanks to media. That is not a secret. It doesn’t describe every asian woman, but go to China or Japan and the asian women who are even willing to date a white person usually hold these kind of views 9 times out of 10. Partially because they lack experience and exposure to other cultures, partially because that’s how white media influences asia.
3. This truth has been my experience more often than not. I have met white guys who are not like this enough to have hope, but trust me there are plenty of white guys who are giving others a bad name. You can’t completely disregard jkim about this.
4. That’s not always true. Sometimes it’s for business, sometimes out of interest in various things. BUT just take a look for yourself at the various popular forums talking about travelling to China, Vietnam, Japan, Thailand, Phillippines, etc. and you cannot tell me that you will not find a HUGE amount of losers who can’t get a woman at home. That stereotype has a lot of truth to it. There are even documentaries covering it. On the other hand, there are a lot of loser asian girls who do the same.
5. Not all are like this, but I have met a good amount of asian girls who dated white losers. It wasn’t because the person was white that they were a loser, but it was because the asian girls I met lacked any ability to judge a person based on who they were and not the color of their skin. They automatically attributed stereotypes to these guys and failed to see them for their qualities (or lack of them). I even avoided dating asian girls when I was in asia for quite some time because it was near impossible to meet one who would not stereotype me relentlessly based on my skin color.
These “Truths” may make you upset but there is some hint of truth in them. While jkim said some things that are over the top, I can at least see where he’s coming from and even acknowledge some of his points.
So, It’s totally cool whoever u date…can be some white, midwestern lesbian..who cares? My point is, you shouldn’t care either.
The thing that makes people annoyed, I think, is when you or other asian girls with white boyfriends prattle on like they’re being victimized. If you don’t want to be criticized, then stop bringing it up and talking about it. Then most people will leave you alone. HOWEVER, you can’t stop talking about it, because (as most people think) asian girls with white boyfriends WANT ATTENTION. The white bf is the status symbol, the LV purse, the apartment in city center.
I mean, how many times talking with your girlfriends, do you bring up some “difficulty” or “funny story” about your very white bf?
“oh my white bf did something the other day…”
“No really! let me tell you…oh it’s so difficult…Oh, why dont people understand me and my white bf?”
So when you talk about how “special” and “unique” your situation is, and how “trans-cultural” your attitude/life is because you’re dating a white guy and willing to be “diverse”, then that just makes people annoyed. You’re opening yourself up to criticism, and it’s entirely your fault.
If you think dating a white guy shouldn’t matter…then treat it that way and don’t cry about it so much. Or else break up with him and don’t cry about it.
For someone who avoids corrupted Westernized Asian girls, you sure seem to have a lot of experience with them and their white men.
To be fair to you, although you have shown nothing but contempt for me and seem to be responding to some inner turmoil instead of my post (for example, when did I say my situation was in any way “unique”? I said I am part of the most common interracial pairing), there are many women in Asia who seek attention, and having a foreign boyfriend does seem to be an extension of their attention-seeking. However, I see it more as a personality quirk, and think they would act that way whether they were with white men or not. There are plenty of LV-toting Asian women who complain about their Asian boyfriends too.
Hi Christine! This is @debbiehu,
From Christine: Have no idea how that happened, have changed it to your name. Does it always show up as James when you log in?
although it’s telling me that I’m logged in as “James Turnbull.”I hope you’re well aside from being flamed by jerks, I’m home on a Friday night with a fever!I find this post really interesting, so I’m going to comment even though I’m not good at commenting! Here are some scattered thoughts—
Privilege is a funny thing.
Since becoming a feminist (I wonder how many people are going to stop reading at that word), I’ve had a couple of discussions with my guy friends about “man-hating”—which is when you feel angry about being oppressed by patriarchal society and take it out on particular men. These men, like my friends, might not “personally” have anything to do with my being oppressed/objectified, but inhabit structural positions that perpetuate the problem. I still think that if sexism is going to end it’s going to have to begin with men acknowledging male privilege as a structural fact that they participate in. When a man acts like sexism no longer exists / rape culture doesn’t exist / gender oppression has nothing to do with them, I get personally offended. I try to check myself.
So I identify with these commenters when they say, “I am invisible and cannot date whom I like and even though you and your boyfriend may like each other for reasons that go beyond race, you participate in a race/gender dynamic that is privileged and perpetuate that dynamic in ways that you don’t really control but that I nevertheless resent.”
But the way that this has gotten expressed in your blog comments has been really nasty, not to mention misogynistic, classist, racist… there’s a lot of wounded privilege speaking out, a lot of entitlement, a lot of “I should be allowed to add up to something!” as Lauren Berlant would say. It reminds me a lot of “nice guy resentment”—the chorus of guys on the internet who protest that they are nice but don’t get dates, while guys whom they perceive as being bigger jerks do: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nice_guy
In the end, no one ‘deserves’ anyone else. It’s true, though, that some people get what they don’t deserve a lot more easily than others–maybe among them, white guys who like Asian girls and Asian girls who like white guys?
But, as you keep pointing out, it’s also so much more complicated than that! All these shitty assumptions get made as a result. And so far, no one’s addressed your query for COMMUNITY, which as far as I can see is pretty legitimate (which, by the way, I’ll be your community! I’m, you know, queer and anti-monogamy and stuff but I’ve dated white bois and I’ll talk to you about it whenever you want). And I like your first two t-shirt ideas… but maybe you shouldn’t hate on SPGs so much, it sounds like a fun lifestyle that works for some people! (mini-rant on anti-sex culture excised)
xoxo
Hi Debbie, thanks for the great comment, and I hope you feel better soon.
Maybe it’d surprise some readers that I completely agree that there are structural positions and race/gender dynamics that perpetuate white privilege. I’m not trying to be an advocate for white men/Asian women relationships here; how can I, when I personally don’t believe in people choosing partners based on race? In fact, I was very conflicted at the beginning of my relationship, when I realized I would be participating in a race/gender dynamic that carries so many painful associations regarding privilege, entitlement, “betrayal” of Asian men, etc. I understand why some of my commenters think the way they do; I myself have a certain knee-jerk reaction sometimes when I see WM/AF couples on the street. We all make assumptions, whether we’re Asian women, Asian men, white men or white women. I was out with an American friend a few weeks ago, and we saw an older foreigner walking on the street with a little boy who was obviously biracial, likely his son. My friend, who’s a white guy, murmured afterwards, “Maybe another mid-life crisis laowai experiencing second fatherhood in China,” followed by, “No, don’t judge.”
What I want to say is, the structure of privilege that gets everyone’s panties and boxers all in a twist does exist, but we’re all individuals and nothing is so clear-cut — like Debbie wrote, it’s so much more complicated. I have my own assumptions, I get personally offended by a lot of things, but I check myself and realize they are just assumptions and I really don’t know what goes on in other people’s relationships, or why they are together. I don’t glare, and I definitely don’t leave shitty comments all over forums and blogs. For myself, I can resent the structure — the structure I apparently perpetuate, against my will — without resenting the individuals.
And Debbie, thanks for noticing that this post was largely a cry for community.
(My problem with the SPG concept is not with the lifestyle it advocates — the enjoyment of sex, a good time, etc. — but with the idea of choosing partners based on race. That’s my own beef, I guess. Aiyah… SPGs have become caricatures in Singapore too, so I hate the “you are SPG” comments even more.)
hmm, by “legitimate” in the last paragraph, i meant “it seems like this community doesn’t exist,” not “it seems like you’re allowed to have this desire!” i think it’s interesting that this community doesn’t exist.
i think i’m logged in as myself now, thanks!
“…Hell, even the writer of THIS blog basically criticizes her OWN race and culture once a week in a post. How many times do I have to hear another asian girl here or 8asians.com complain about how stupid/silly/backwards her Asian mom is?…”
So, how many times have you heard such complaints? Given the forcefulness of your crusade, there must be many that you heard and you thought you’d understood them properly as such.
Has the author of this blog ever expressed any dissatisfaction that you’ve sited above? Nah, not even once. This is how I see it – what she has with her Asian Mum is an extremely loving relationship that majority of child-mother pairs could identify with – and I’m confident that other readers of this blog, if not blinded with this particular type of anger you’ve expressed, will agree with me on this.
You must also know that. You know that you were twisting what she wrote, purposefully, to serve your venting. I wonder calling names and denigrating others’ loved ones would make anyone feel better?
Yeah, I agree, it all comes down to attitude. If that’s a legitimate question to ask, then let’s address the issues in the right manners – which certainly could be many as well. Your layout of opinions seems not one of them.
Hi, Christine.
I skipped over the keyboard jockeying above.
I think you might be jumping the gun on the “we love other couples” bandwagon. My Caucasian cousin is married to a Korean Canadian gentleman, and they have a three year old kid. They still get shit from people, mostly older white people and some Asians. Granted, it is almost all passive aggressive, but my cousin is starting to get a chip on her shoulder about it. I don’t think she was prepared at all for it. She gets especially defensive when she is out with her kid and they bring it up.
The single biggest variable in all of this is her. She has a hard time when people don’t automatically accept and approve of her like they used to.
I like what Katt Williams has to say about haters. I watch this when they get me down.
A fine essay – but before wading too deep into long rants on “racial privilege” in the comments, I would say that in the dating context we are talking about any racial privilege is pretty weak compared with the highly unequal and privilege infused dating and matchmaking culture.
The 二代富, “princelings”, Taiwanese and HK factory owners, 海归 from elite schools all have far more privilege and power in the dating and marriage market than any Westerner does. Even at the lower levels, hukou and apartment ownership are explictly pursued forms of privilege.
Taking any of these factors into account when marrying can be described as “good sense” or “practical plans for the future”, but any romantic connection with Westerners brings out the old canards about “racial privelage”, entitlement, and bad character.
If you are interested in WMAF, this link is
the grand collection on this topic:
http://fafast.com/play?white+guys+asian+girls
First time I’ve commented here, please be gentle…
Christine, you wrote “And then there are cases like mine — a mutual friend introduces a man and a woman and they decide, hey, we get along, we like each other, we both like eating, and books, and the Barbie store, why not? And oh, by the way, they happen to be white and Asian, respectively.”
And I would say that the overwhelming majority of such WM/AF couples are exactly like that – at least, that is the case in my experience. And I do find it offensive that people presume to pass judgement on my wife and myself because of our respective skin colours. And how do these self-appointed judges deal with our daughter?
I do appreciate the perspective Debbie adds – white, and especially white male privilege exists, no denying that. It is important to discuss, and it is something it would be nice to be rid of. But then El Supremo reminds us of other forms of privilege – and please, tell me, how is a wealthy Chinese (Mainland, Hong Kong, Macao, Taiwan or Diaspora) with a Chinese woman of a lower socio-economic status any different from a white man with an Asian woman – other than the distinct possiblity the Asian woman might be wealthier or from a more affluent background than her white man.
And here’s where, for me, the whole thing gets really absurd, and even more offensive in its absurdity. What, precisely, does Asian mean? Asia’s a very large continent containing a huge variety of cultural, linguistic and ethnic groups, some of whom are white, or so close to white they could pass themselves off as European. And although ‘white’ doesn’t cover quite such a wide range, it does involve more diversity than our judges would care to admit. Looking at economics alone, I come from a considerably less affluent country than our judges would assume from my skin colour, and I can think of less affluent countries still with white majorities.
And what’s with this obssession with race when it just doesn’t exist in the first place? The genetic differences between the so-called races are so minor as to be meaningless. And there is far more genetic diversity in Africa than on any other continent, and genetic diversity decreases the farther one gets from Africa. And such superficialities as skin, hair and eye colour and bone structure show so much variation within each of the so-called races and such clear transitions between the ‘races’ in historical melting pot areas such as the Mediterranean or Central Asia as to not be very helpful for defining ‘race’. How can one talk meaningfully of ‘race’ in such a situation? We can talk, of course, of language and culture, which are real and are very real issues for us ‘mixed’ couples. But race? 19th century pseudo-science, long since debunked. Let’s just drop the idea and get on with engaging with each other in our fascinating variety of languages and cultures.
[please note: in denying the existence of race, I am most certainly not denying the existence of racism or any other form of prejudice, nor am I denying the existence any form of privilege, least of all white male privilege]
So you can enlist me in the campaign to abolish ridiculous stereotypes of couples based on spurious associations with skin colour.
Had some fridge logic after reading this post earlier in the day
“a mutual friend introduces a man and a woman and they decide, hey, we get along, we like each other, we both like eating, and books, and the Barbie store, why not? And oh, by the way, they happen to be white and Asian, respectively.”
Considering the hysterical reporting about the ‘vast’ gender imbalance that exists in China, one could presume that there is a surplus of single Chinese men out there. So how did you end up getting introduced to and hit it off with a white guy? Does it speak to the company you keep or were there other failed experiments of this nature? Curious about that.
Arguing over the semantics of what “Asia” refers to is the very definition of a red herring. In North America, east-Asians particularly Chinese are far more common than other types of Asian, so rather than qualifying absolutely everything, a catch-all phrase is used. In The UK, it is south-Asians who are more common so there the term applies to them. Asians from the middle-East are commonly referred to in both regions as Arabs.
Furthermore, the power of a wealthy Taiwanese factory owner doesn’t extend outside of Taiwan. The power of white/Western privilege pervades throughout the entire world thanks to the allure of the $ and the entertainment industry.
As an English speaker who came to Shanghai on an international Master’s program, my social circle was initially limited to mainly non-Chinese citizens. I’m more integrated into Chinese life now, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to ditch my bf and chase hot Chinese men. As for the male surplus, I’ve been told women outnumber men in Shanghai and other metropolises.
“As for the male surplus, I’ve been told women outnumber men in Shanghai and other metropolises.”
===
Now, I don’t mind the racial power dynamics of your relationships or why/how you or other Asian women went with white boyfriends. Your explanations for that are reasonable…
but this particular quote bothers me. It sounds almost defensive. “Male surplus… oh well, women outnumber men in Shanghai.”
What it actually highlights is that many women are flocking to Shanghai. Either the allure of the big city, or the social mobility of women (marrying into a wealthier man, or finding a foreign man) draws them. It doesn’t work nearly as well for the men from poorer areas of China. They are pretty much stuck being bagholders.
Not that it will hurt Chinese society, since they are scattered throughout China and tend to be the poorest and least influential ones, who don’t even have enough money/power to find a bride from an even poorer area (they are bottom of the barrel). Unfortunate that they’ll die with a whimper.
After looking into the numbers myself, what you’ve been told about “women outnumber men in Shanghai and other metropolises” seems unsubstantiated.
There are actually about 1-2% more males in Shanghai and other major metropolises than females. Granted, that is not as bad as the national ratio, and certainly not as bad as certain rural areas, but it highlights the phenomenon where rural girls have the option to “move up” where men don’t. You ever been to clubs and parties where women are allowed in, and men are often kept out (unless they are bringing women with them)?
Men in richer areas have difficulties so they will import girlfriends/brides from poorer areas. With that in mind, it makes sense that wealthier areas might not suffer from the same problems as much.
Keep in mind that you may be getting a biased perspective on the situation, since you admit to associating with many other WM/AF groups whom you claim to be as sensitive and defensive about the subject as you are. Not that I mind what their reasons are, but if you or one of your friends were to tell me “oh, but women outnumber men in Shanghai and other major metropolises” I’d seriously wonder why you were bringing that up. It reeks of rationalization. “The guys don’t need any pity. Women outnumber men in metropolises anyway!” On top of that, it might not even be true.
I would, however, be surprised and grateful if someone actually has demographic data that stratifies men/women in Shanghai and other metropolises by age group. Who knows, maybe women of a specific age group do outnumber men by a small margin, enough so that it bears mentioning.
Wait! Look at the context I wrote that line in.
The commenter before you implied that a) I should have had a higher chance of meeting and dating a Chinese man, because b) there is a surplus of Chinese males in this country.
I responded that a) you have to consider my background (English-speaking, came to China on an international program, lived in a university bubble) before assuming I had a higher chance of dating any random Chinese man belonging in this surplus, and b) I actually don’t think there is a surplus where I live — this is not to rationalize why I am with a white guy, but merely as a response to the assumption that I must be in contact with a male surplus. Whether or not men or women actually outnumber each other in Shanghai, I do not know and do not claim to know.
I have not done any study of demographic data, nor would I know where to begin. All I know is what I’ve heard from my Chinese teachers — that women outnumber men in Shanghai. What they might have meant is that young women of a certain social class may outnumber men in Shanghai, or at least in the universities, where I spend much of my time. After all, most of my teachers are surplus/leftover women (sheng nu), whether it’s because of their own expectations or whether they really have trouble finding men.
No one is denying there is a surplus of men in China. See Mara Hvistendahl’s new book ‘Unnatural Selection’ — it explains how sex-selective abortion has led to a vast number of unmarried men in China and other countries. This is unfortunate, but it’s not my responsibility to marry any of them, if anybody is inclined to suggest this.
I’m not judging you individually. You have every right in the world to date whomever you choose. Not many would suggest otherwise.
The fact that you’re even thinking about this matter earns my respect.
I agreed with your response to Tim: “As an English speaker who came to Shanghai on an international Master’s program, my social circle was initially limited to mainly non-Chinese citizens. I’m more integrated into Chinese life now, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to ditch my bf and chase hot Chinese men. As for the male surplus, I’ve been told women outnumber men in Shanghai and other metropolises.”
… up until the last sentence. It really seemed out of place, and ruined the integrity of your comment. It just happens to be a pet peeve of mine when people pull random factoids out of nowhere (“I’ve been told”). It stuck out for me and evoked images of a group of Asian women, sitting together, rationalizing:
“So what?”
“No big deal.”
“We’re just like every other couple.”
“She doesn’t only date white guys.”
“He does NOT have Yellow Fever!”
…
“I’ve been told women outnumber men in Shanghai and other metropolises anyway!”
(I had an argument with a cousin recently on this very topic which makes it still a hot topic for me. She complained about not being able to find a husband in Shanghai. I found it hard to sympathize with her when she was making up numbers to make her situation seem worse than it was.)
Otherwise, bless you, and I hope you forget what others say. Nothing you can do to change the minds of those who are emotionally overcommitted to this issue.
Your irritation at what I said about the male surplus equals my irritation at people suggesting I should be with a Chinese guy because of this surplus. I would never have mentioned the male surplus if the commenter before you hadn’t brought it up. Like I said, please read that line as a response to Tim, and not as a rationalization of anything else. I was careful to present that as something I was told, and not as a certain fact.
I do understand your irritation at your cousin though. I too have heard Shanghai women complaining about not being able to find a husband, when what they really mean is that they are unable to find a husband with the right house, car, and job.
Well when a normal Asian guy complains about this topic, hes just a bitter jealous dude. But I think I have a bit more insight into this since I’m actually a hapa born of a white man and Asian woman. And I actually directly confronted my mom about her choice. And she told me it was her private decision and none of my business. I’m sure that be a great line to use on an angry brother. But as her son, I’m the direct result of her private decision, and if thats’ not my business, I have no business in the world. So yeah theres nothing worse in the world than being the asian-looking male offspring of a white male/ asian female coupling.
White dude here…
Here’s my comment which may offer a slightly different perspective (with the caveat that I have not read every comment word-for-word)…Americans of Asian descent, born and raised in the U.S. are in fact becoming white. This is similar to the process by which other groups that were once not white (Jews, eastern Europeans, southern Europeans, Irish) became white with the passage of time and social and cultural changes. This has nothing to do with interracial marriage and “mixed” offspring. For an unknown reason, Asian females are “whitening” at a more rapid rate than Asian males. Thus they are more quickly gaining white privileges, in particular access to white men as partners. Generally speaking women gravitate toward money and power and guess who has the most in the U.S? Could it be, white guys? Ding…ding…ding! You got it.
So what’s up with the white guys chasing Asian chicks? First, that’s wrong – its the Asian women chasing the white guys. I’m not that good looking, but at least one or two Asian women approach me everyday. Basically, I just hang out in the Louis Vuitton shop and wait. So who are these white guys? Casual observation – basically they are your square preppie/yuppie types, like me. Asian girlfriend is a bit coo,l a bit hip, but not in any way extreme (like wild tattoos, nose rings and the like). Not too far out of the comfort zone, won’t freak the parents out, but just a bit one the edge. Of course she must be a thoroughly “whitened” Asian woman, conforming to U.S. standards of behavior, decorum and hygiene. Also, don’t forget about our American fetish with all things eastern and Asian…
Asian babes? What’s not to like!!
Hi,
I am a Chinese female raised pretty much entirely in the US. I find some of your comments rather offensive. Not every Asian woman chase white men. Not every Asian woman is after money and power. I am in a WM/AF relationship; in fact, he is German. First, I am not white-washed. Even having grown up in the US, I actually know quite a bit about Chinese culture, still speak the language, and even represent my heritage in the many cultural celebrations we have here. I love the fact that I can go between the two cultures seamlessly and easily. I graduated from one of the world’s top universities, make more money than my partner and generally think of myself as an independent, competent person. I didn’t go chasing my bf and I certainly didn’t think I needed anyone for money and power. I met my bf at our local bookstore where he struck up a conversation with me and the rest is history. And yes, I have dated other races, including Chinese men born in the US and in Asia.
Perhaps the women you meet at the LV shop are looking for money and upward mobility. But then, you are the one who is hanging out in a place that naturally attracts women who enjoy these types of comforts. And if you know this and don’t care, then I suppose it is your fault that you align Asian women wanting white men like you as wanting money and power. And as you say, if having an Asian girlfriend is a bit cool and hip and basically, like you, then I don’t think you should be complaining about the fact they want to be with you for certain reasons and you want to be with them for yours.
I do not understand this discussion at all. Does it make a difference if the couple is from different cultural background if they really love each other? I mean not all foreigners are chasing Asian women and not all Asian women are easy to date. I think this is really generalized from some people to all.
“Generally speaking women gravitate toward money and power and guess who has the most in the U.S? Could it be, white guys? Ding…ding…ding! You got it.”
Asians in the US earn more than white people, particularly the Chinese, Japanese, Koreans and Indians! So, that argument does not wash! Ask whether every white male that an Asian female is dating happens to have money. I think not.
yeah blame it on technology and petrol for making
it possible that all humans can travel anywhere in the world meet someone different from
their own!
Why do Chinese girls think Jews = white?
Do you think most Jews are black? I know my birth certificate says Caucasian. My skin is quite pale. My mother has red hair and pale skin and freckles. My cousin has blonde hair and blue eyes. Jewishness is not a race. It is a “tribe.” 99.9% of Jews in the world are Caucasian.
the only time i’d ever get mad at some couple for being together is when the girl’s really charming and the guy’s a sleazebag. race doesn’t really matter for me.
that being said, there is a distinct subset of white guys in China who are there for the easy lay. if you don’t believe that, go visit propaganda or sanlitun on a Friday night. unfortunately, these people also tend to be highly visible and sometimes even make blogs bragging about how great their exploits can be (see Chinabounder). when that happens it’s all too easy for the average Chinese guy who has minimal interaction with foreigners (mainly due to the rarity of foreign people within the 1.3 billion mainland population) to assume that this sort of behavior is representative of all white guys. throw some economic disparity into the mix and this shit gets real ugly, real fast.
culture differences play a factor too. self-confident, assertive girls are more likely to go for self-confident, assertive guys, and vice versa. throw in the belief that your behavior mold is the right way to go, and it’s not hard to see why some guys would view girls who look asian but act more confident than what they’ve seen before as freaks of nature.
conclusion: they probably just think you’re cute and think your boyfriend is Chinabounder. since he’s not, don’t sweat it
Wow. Tough topic. Kudos for attempting to discuss it rationally, and props for being so open about your own internal narrative.
As the “WM” in a WM/AF couple — well, it’s a nation of three now that we have a 3-year-old! — this is a subject that I’ve (we’ve) agonised plenty about. But, to be honest, that agonising was mostly done when we were dating, and in the first 3 years of our marriage. And funnily enough the agonising was mostly about what “other people” would “think”. Her family. My family. My grandparents. My one completely irredeemably racist great aunt (everyone has one). Her friends. My friends-in-Asia and my friends-back-home.
Eventually, I think everyone who embarks on a serious journey of “self knowledge” (trying to steer around the hazards of pop psych here) comes to the conclusion that one actually has little to zero “control” over what “other people think”, and so other people’s thinking is best left to other people.
And truthfully, despite a few early hiccups and misunderstandings — the kind that you get in uni-cultural relationships as well, by the way — I can honestly say that the topic just….stops coming up. Because it fades into irrelevance. Because you learn *exactly* what everyone you care about thinks about the issue, and you find yourself (with the obvious caveats) in a sea of love and acceptance from both cultures.
Because what do people generally think about a positive loving relationship that one of their loved ones is in? Exactly. And that trumps culture, colour, and conflict every single day of the week, and twice on Sunday.
The people who care, to coin an aphorism, don’t care. To the people who matter, it doesn’t matter. It just doesn’t, and they just don’t.
I kind of think that you are making a mountain out of a molehill. If you write in a public space then people are going to disagree with you – and it is the anonymous internet, so of course you should expect people to be more extreme in expressing their views than they would face-to-face.
As for the phenomenon of bias against WM/AF couples, I tend to think that the internet exagerrates the issue – most people are too busy with their lives (you know, work, kids, bills, health issues etc) to actually put too much thought into what people that they don’t know are doing in their spare time.
Bias has become an increasingly contentious term. To me bias means negative attitudes towards a group of people that leads to discrimination or any kind of denial of rights. Certainly, you report a subjective sense of negative attitudes, but is that accompanied by discrimination or denial of rights? If the answer is “no”, then I think you are exagerrating the issue.
Yet, the issue of negative attitudes can be hurtful, but I think that then are many issues associated with the WM/AF pairing that might give people a genuine and legitimate reason for their cynicism.
From the perspective of an AMerican my observation is this; American culture promotes and fully accepts interracial relationships between Asian women and white men – this has been the case since the first war-brides in the 1940′s. This is unusual because absolutely no other interracial pairing can be considered to be as culturally acceptable. In fact, American culture seems to actively discourage, through stereotyping and racism, any interracial pairing that doesn’t involve a white man. They are ready and willing to accept WM/AF but for white women to be seen or culturally portrayed with a non-white man is a huge taboo.
So the real question shouldn’t be; why is there bias against the extremely common WM/AF pairing, but rather, why doesn’t white male dominated American culture promote other pairings with equal gusto? This is a question that no Asian female write who writes about WM/AF pairings seems even aware of, let alone willing to talk about.
The sentiments of wanting acceptance is common for such female bloggers, yet, we never see any awareness that the acceptance of the WM/Af pairing is actually a privileged position in white culture – a privilege not available to any other minority. Calls for acceptance of WM/AF cannot be taken out of context – to do so is to uphold the prejudice that stigmatizes any IR relationship involving white women and non-white men. People are right to ask and question why no-one else has the same privileges – this isn’t prejudice, or bias, but logical and natural.
On a final note, I will say that just about all of the stereotypes about Asian women that you have desribed were created in the west and propagated through western media – let’s just be clear about that.
White men in Asia sometimes value Asian women more than the local men, especially when the women are over the age of 30. I’ve lived in Taiwan for 4 years and it amazes me to see how many smart, attractive and single thirty-something women there are here. I’ve been told by a lot of the women here, and some Taiwanese men as well, that most local men in their thirties strongly prefer to date/marry much younger women. A lot of women over 30 feel that their only hope is to find a guy who is much older than they are, or end up staying single. In contrast, Western men in their thirties are strongly attracted to Taiwanese women of the same age and will not hesitate to date/marry them. A lot of Taiwanese women know this and they seek out Western guys partly for this reason.
In contrast to the White male privilege theory, many white men are filling a role that Asian men are reluctant to fill (at least in Taiwan). The hypocritical, male dominated, society here in Taiwan often criticizes Taiwanese women for having white boyfriends/husbands but says almost nothing when Taiwanese men buy younger, prettier brides from Mainland China and Vietnam.
I think you have this totally wrong
White girls who would go out with Asian guys get way more crap.
I think that is because girls seek to put down others and maintain
an advantage over whatever they can.
White girl who goes out with Asian guy is called things like loser,
bottomfeeder, no white guy would date you and stuff like that and worse.
This cuts both ways.
That’s BS, if I knew a white girl had dated an Asian guy in the past then I’d think of her as a virgin. I just give those BM/AF couples a thumbs up and a smile because they are kind of like the kid with green hair, just trying to be different. Put on some R&B tunes and flashy clothes because they’re all the same.
I have to laugh a little about this subject – I’m what’s called a “happa chick” in hawaii, which means half asian/white.
I like to tell the story about my parents this way – My father was stationed in Shanghai in the 1940s. He so loved the city, he brought home a little souvenir – my mom.
Imagine this scenario 60+ years years ago – my mixed race parents were rare birds indeed. I’ll admit most negativity is from asians, but I’ve found it pretty rare here in the States, and especially in California and Hawaii where almost EVERYONE is mixed in every combination you can think of.
I think most people assume my mom was looking for someone with which to hitch a ride to the states, but in all honesty, that wasn’t the case – she had a very good life in Shanghai. She contemplated NOT coming – my father was shipped home from China after they married (the navy refused permission for them to marry – they married anyway, which pretty much ended my father’s naval career, but unlike the movie ‘Sayonara’, no suicide – my dad hates that movie…), and my mom had to stay behind. It took a year for her to hoard up enough money and ‘escape’ in 1949/50.
I think it’s interesting, albeit it confusing, that so many people think it’s weird or viewed as unacceptable for asian men to date white women – it’s quite common here, so I don’t know where that idea comes from – in Hawaii, Chinese men had the reputation for making good husbands…
Don’t let other people’s stereotypes and racism prevent you from doing what makes you happy.
“I think it’s interesting, albeit it confusing, that so many people think it’s weird or viewed as unacceptable for asian men to date white women – it’s quite common here, so I don’t know where that idea comes from – in Hawaii, Chinese men had the reputation for making good husbands…”
In the mainland it is mostly not acceptable, particularly if you go down south. However, in Hawaii, you are right, Chinese men have the reputation of making good husbands although they dont care much for the Chinese MIL. When I lived in Hawaii during the first half of 2009, it was a cultural shock coming from the East Coast to see so many Asian men with white women. I counted more such couples on the first day in Honolulu than the entire year here in Washington DC.
Here in the main land for many it is not acceptable. That is why they have introduced this white female character named Lori Weston to become the love interest not for Chin Ho Kelly but for one of the white guys. If they make her the love interest for Chin Ho Kelly the ratings will drop. Heck if they make Grace Park the love interest for one of the two white guys, the ratings will drop. Whites, mostly white women will stop watching the show!
Interesting topic! I found myself nodding to some of the stuffs you said here. I’m a mix marriage ‘graduate’ aka my ex husband is a white men. Oddly enough, when he and I were still living in the States, the whole WM/AF never bother me. No one ever make any remarks/jokes. But it’s a whole different story when I’m back in my home country of Indonesia.
Growing up around expatriates, I’m used to see WM/AF couples. Some are/were great couples, who looks normal, the wife/girlfriend are not asian version of Anna Nicole Smith – except for their different skin colors obviously. Some are…well fits right into those stereotypes.
Here, people still do generalized WM/AF couple and they do stood out like a sore thumbs. Crude remarks from strangers or even the girl’s friends/family/acquaintances you name it. I’m always more self conscious when I’m back home. When I was still married and wanted to go out, I double check just to make sure I do not dress too revealingly – or I would be justifying the ‘label’ out there. It’s really annoying to be labelled that way.
Somehow being Asian in relationship with white men means most of us need to grow thicker skins or ability to turn on deaf ears to these kinds of harsh comment because in the end..the relationship itself is between the two persons, whether it will survive or not also depends on the couple.
After doing a bit of research online about asian/”caucasian” relationships, I came across many similar attitudes that you came across. Asian women are considered by some to be “sell outs” and “self hating” if they date outside of their own race, or criticise men of the same race.
This astounds me, because I am “caucasian” (I say that begrugingly that I even have to define myself by “race” to make my point) and I criticise my culture, and both individual men and woman of “my race” where I see fit. I have never been called a “self hater” for this, indeed criticising “my own” culture is considered critical thinking- it’s considered intelligent.
Considering other cultures and the strengths of other cultures, is encouraged. Multicultural practice is considered progressive and “good”, whereas Asian women divulging in “white culture” are apparently, “white washed”. I am intrigued by asian culture, as a “white woman” (urgh) does that make me “asian washed”? NO. That makes me interested in cultures outside my own. I hardly see it as a big deal- we live in a globalised world where cultures are merging. It’s not just Asian culture that is becoming westernised. I live in Australia, and the universities are filled with many Asian immigrants, there are Asian food outlets everywhere, there are ‘connected classrooms’ where Asian and Australian students learn together, Asian companies partly own some of the biggest mining and resource ventures, our last prime minister was fluent in mandarin and dealt extensively with Chinese politics in particular. I don’t see this as “asian washing”, I see this as being a multicultural and progressive culture.
It seems to me like people need to make up sociological reasons for people dating outside of their culture- self hating, “white washed”, “money grabbing” etc. “Because we want to be together” just isn’t a good enough reason for some people. And the hypocrisy of those who criticise am/ww or wm/aw couples is alarming. There are some Asian women who criticise other asian women for “only” dating white men, but then they go on to criticise ‘disgusting white men’ and refuse to ever date one. It’s hypocritical, and applying a gross double standard.It seems to me like there are some people out there who have immense hatred for “western culture”, and see it as a corrupting force.
Nicely written post. I completely agree as someone who happily and willingly dates outside of “my own race” because I do not define myself by “my race” or “culture” but by my personality.
To the blog owner I only ask for you to keep this thread open long enough for me to come back to give a complete in-depth comment to all the haters bothering you and of course hating on couples. Kudos to your article BTW. I am a 6.3 Irish American Sioux Indian who happens to look “white”. I am also from Atlanta, Ga even though I have recently been enlightened living in the OC Cali as to this crazy idiotic behavior and jealousy toward WM/AF to the point the couples themselves almost demonize their own union in an effort to prove to assholes how legit they are when they don’t even owe these haters a damn thing.
, and other way more tedious complications that woman from ALL ETHNIC BACKGROUNDS have confirmed in their experiences. Furthermore another way the haters can STFU is by going out and getting themselves something I have NEVER LIKED NOR EVER WILL BE ATTRACTED TO: A hollywood, self-entitled thinking, MTV bias asshole white blond girl. Go. For. It.
I am swamped with work as My GORGEOUS CHINESE / VIETNAMESE WIFE AND I run our own tech company. We’re not rich…..yet. WE FOUNDED THIS COMPANY TOGETHER AND THE ONLY “GOLD” SHE HAS AND IS INTERESTED IN IS THAT BEAUTIFUL HEART SHE HAS ALONG WITH OUR 2 WORLDS. (caps are intended toward the ignorant who still persist in their quest to unknowingly re-enforce the rothschild/rockefeller racial agenda of modern racism itself. I can’t wait to find time to come back and put these ignorant people in their place.
I am a student of all histories, arts, and religions as well as being an industrial prog recording artist/poet on the side of being a 12 year tech vet and Constitutionalist hell bent on creating a counter grid that will derail the politics, pop culture, and econ that’s causing divisions like this to begin with.
I look forward to returning to this thread soon and destroying all the damn MTV zoned out zombies who would know if they picked up a fkn book and studied history that not ALL of ANY race is guilty nor innocent by association. Maybe if the haters had an actual personality they wouldn’t have the self-important arrogance to over compensate for lack thereof.
I don’t know what fkn crack these haters on not just this but many other blog threads I have demolished with Truth to the point they were type-less, but ummm we’re not all rich and made. Those idiots need to grow up poor in the dirty South to find out the conditions compete with 3rd world status. And if anyone knows the true agenda of the fed, CFR, Royals, IMF, Club of Rome, etc. you’d know it is very believable they want all the U.S. to fall into 3rd world status.
There are more important things to worry about as a person and a human being than this tired ass song. Maybe I LOVE ASIAN WOMEN (notice I said WOMEN) and growing up strict background didn’t allow for me to be exposed to weird ass stuff. So, maybe, just maybe, my Love for Asian culture and Women is out of preference; not anyone’s fkn approval. I don’t know how some roll, but my Wife was Born in Saigon and grew up here and our children are fluent in Vietnamese. We are a real family. Very structured. And it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks. Slamming your own women and accusing them of stupid things you don’t even know are true. Then you wonder why they vacate. (speaking to haters). Noice. Meanwhile the stupidity of the counter racial preferences are fully tolerated as the haters buy into the lie that globally wants to dominate us all. Fkn fools. Don’t point to the crowd. Point to the castles on the hills in your country. Point to fellow countrymen who have betrayed you. Obama isn’t white. That doesn’t stop him from being a closet gay man who is a puupet for the new world order. Bush is an idiot, but they really are screwing things up on purpose. And don’t even get me started on Al Gore’s sudo science of fake global warming that’s back in the news a-gain calling people racist if they deny it. UN-BE-LIEVE-ABLE.
Again, this isn’t even my official comment as of yet. I don’t have any weird twists nor does my Soul Mate, you fkn nazis. (Again, speaking only to the haters) How crass can a demographic get? Meanwhile OTHER demographics (speaking of stereotypes) actually are more prone to cheating, advertising lies pop culture spreads about their “talents” as it were (I LOVE disproving that one being half Native American myself
Like everyone can like whatever they want except for a white guy? And every white guy runs the planet or has some connection to that? WHO THE F ARE YOU TO ASSUME ANYTHING? None of you have no clue who I am nor countless others. No one owes you an explanation. And it really isn’t anyone’s business to begin with.
You know what? I build sites, SEO, domain registrar co, etc, etc etc. I should build a social network strictly for WM/AF to connect and chill.
And all those haters who act like a bunch of intellectual wannabes? Bring it, bitches. (I only use that word toward males and white girls). I have planted enough minefields in this comment to trigger on my next and final comment. I am over it. And to the blissfully ignorant who think they have arrived with wits? Evidence to the contrary. Next time you have a thought, LET IT GO. …. …….FIN.
NOTE: (the attacks in this comment are NOT in any way shape or form towards the blog owner nor anyone of positive personality.)
Please don’t allow personal comments to make you this angry. People have freedom of speech and are probably not attacking you personally. We all speak our minds, and that does not have to touch you unless you allow it. Anyone knows that all situations are not the same. You know your situation, and you should not feel that you have to ravage yourself to explain anything. I have been slammed and bashed all over threads, but it is part of the game. I love debating. People don’t know you, do they? Chill. This magnitude of anger could cause an illness. Seriously.
LOL, I have to say the on-line dating or electronic dating has come a hell of a way from the days of basic chat rooms. Much more and a lot more people are turning to on the web dating internet sites to screen prospective dates.
White? I fail to see much difference between the color of some Asians skin and that of whites. They have different features, naturally. Why not hook up?
Yes, many Asians seem to be bent on getting a very good education and finding wealth. Many whites boast of having the greatest of wealth and just about the best of everything imaginable, includong beauty and skin. OK. Some people in the world are attracted to that. If you have the best of everything, or think you do, can you blame others for being brainwashed and wanting what is lauded all over the world as the best? People talk about the baldheaded old white men being lured by Asians, but they get what they want. They have to give up plenty, but they seem to be smiling broadly.
Many Asian women seem to be trained to seek the “best” and most. Men are generally weak when it comes to beauty, sexiness, and other tools of persuasion, so they fall prey to the powers of the shrewd woman.
I am sure that some white men and Asian women have loving relationships, but some of these men are being taken for gullible suckers. I have seen on some threads where white guys bragged about being able to afford Asian women while some minorities could not. I say, more power to you, and enjoy your purchase. You get prettier children, cute petite women seldom fat, lots of massages, fabulous meals, and other pamperings. Wow! That’s the high life, BIG DOGG!
It is amazing how the world of people participate in affecting changes and one day look around them and wonder what happened. They first react by expressing disgust and then start the fingerpointing accusations. I imagine the High Power sitting back and moving His head from side to side in response to His poor ignorant subjects running around in circles not knowing how to handle the simple things in life.
Has anyone read “The Monsters Are Due on Maple Street”? It is a science fiction about extra-intelligent aliens manipulating the surroundings of human beings in order to study their behaviors and how they cope with changes. Of course, the humans panic and almost lose their minds trying to cope with something that is simple to handle. The proble was that they let their imaginations and fears rule their behaviors. That is the same kind of situation I see with the jumbling of races.
A noticeable number of white men married Asian women, so white women are in a row about it. So, they decide to continue marrying men of other races. The media says that there is a shortage of black marriages and marriageable men. Black women are alone and without men, So, blogs start popping up advertising the availability of black women desperate for husbands from other races. Latinos are moving in and marrying whites and a few minorities. White women and black men are constantly being profiled in the media, and white men are mad about it and are taking steps to do something about it. Black women are tired of crap from black men and they can do bad by themselves. Asian men are quite the gentlemen and are not quite acting fools like other men, but some are, and such stories go on and on and on . . . .
Can anyone see how stupid we look from a distance? Do you know how all of this confusion came about? Every race involved in this type of confusion is responsible to a high degree. All of you caused it to happen, yet, you raise up the devil’s living room looking for someone to blame. Look under your own living room and you will discover the guilty one in a hidden mirror. Now, beat the hell out of him/her if you feel that the rascal deserves punishment. Ah-ha!
How can you stop a mass from falling to societal manipulations? It takes generations if it can happen then. The only way to live with it is to discover the peace in the eye of the tornado. There are people who are smart enough to do that. Wake me up when you get tired of fighting, please.
Now, crappy, dishonest, sinful relationships won’t survive. They are not sealed by God. “What God put together, let no man put asunder.” If God did not put it together . . . careful with your judgements, for you will be accountable for tresspasses.
In the meantime, if people are genuinely in love with each other, and are together for decent reasons, you can’t touch that regardless of race because God protects real, clean love. “God is love.” Agape love does not die because it is of God.
It is amazing how most of the world claim to be Christians, yet, we do not trust Jesus to take care of anything. We flex our muscles, take control, play God and are very artful at screwing up everything we touch. Dadgum human beings!
i’m sorry to be so harsh, but honestly you yourself seem like a stereotype… the asian girl always seeking compliments/advice/encouragement… in many ways it lends to the submissive stereotype too not because you follow what you are told but because you are so dependent on others for emotional reinforcement
And you would be the stereotype of the biased person who has already decided to disrespect Asian/white relationships. Endless circle, isn’t it?
The Asian girl is always a stereotype. If she is comfortable and confident and does not question her relationship, then she is ignorant, race-betraying, white-worshipping, or in denial. If she tries to understand why there is so much negativity towards her relationship and seeks moral support, then she is a weak, insecure, emotionally dependent stereotype.
I am not ashamed of seeking comfort and a sense of community.
Feel free to take your useless honesty elsewhere, Leigh.
Yeah I think Asian girls should preserve their heritage, especially the ones with more freedom. History shows us that hundreds of generations of Asian women were being hooked-up (or arranged) to be with Asian men. That could only mean that tradition is safe and change is evil.
Despite being blessed to live in an age where people can suddenly travel around the world, video chat with someone from any corner of the globe, and express our freedom to love whomever we choose — maybe you are right, maybe we should just protect our national/cultural pride to prevent the sudden extinction of billions of Asians via race mixing or simply to prevent a loss of a face amongst the uneducated, jealous people because our egos are too fragile to take in a little bit whining from someone else’s ego.
H:
There is no such thing as Asian heritage. Ask most Korean or Vietnamese guys who are attacking Christine whether he will date or marry her, the answer would be clear no. His parents wont have problems with his sister marrying a white person, but will have major problems if he married anyone other than Korean (or Vietnamese). Once in California, a Chinese guy called a Filipina a sell-out for being with a white guy..(the Filipina is married to my friend now who happens to be a white guy with the ICE). However, when a white friend of his tried to set him up with a Filipina he got pissed off. His parents will never accept a Filipina daughter-in-law. Then I met someone of all the places from Singapore who was dating a Japanese American woman. His parents told him he was not welcome in Singapore if he came back with a mainland Chinese wife let alone a Japanese American one. They wanted him to marry a Malaysian or Singaporean Chinese woman or a white American. The problem is none of the white women who he dated took it seriously and definitely did not want to take him home to parents although he is a son of a millionaire and is richer than the white women he dated. They always told him that their parents were racists! So is a Korean guy complaining here competing with the white guy for Christina? I dont think so. He just wants to “see” his way of thinking to be the norm. A Filipina guy with a Filipina girl, a Korean guy with a Korean girl, a Chinese guy with a Chinise girl, etc….natural order of the world as he thinks! In other words, transplant Asia in America. Beyond that he does not really give a damn about Christina and he will definitely not introduce Christina to his parents as his girlfriend. They will never accept a Chinese girlfriend. There is no such thing Asian heritage and I am an Asian myself.
Hi, I’m glad I saw this thread because it’s quite true. I have a Chinese girlfriend and I’m a white male, I have come across various difficulties in relation to people unable to keep their opinions to themselves. The difference is my gf is Chinese/English and the biggest criticism comes from other Chinese people who often look at her like dirt or view me with a suspicious eye. I met her in the UK but the flak we recieved was when we visited Shanghai. Back in the UK its certainly less but still occurs with Chinese people living here. We’re sick of it, the reason we got together was because we had so much in common and grew on each other, nothing to do with ‘fetishism’ or ‘yellow fever’ which I’m made to feel like when viewed by these ignorant people. My gf feels that shes been judged based on the fact shes dating non Chinese and a white man. Her mother dissaproves while in the past having tried setting her up with 40 year old Chinese men (shes in her 20s like me) so I disagree with people who say its not an issue. Its definitely an issue, and something that needs addressing.
Wow. I stumpled upon this post because I googled “Why do Asians hate whites” and it’s really been an eye-opener for me. I didnt know Asians were so racist (especially the Japanese if what I read is true). I’m a white guy living in germany and in my town there are quite a lot Asians and I always wondered why I’d never see a White/Asian couple but only Asian/Asian couples. Now I know. @all the hating asian guys above me: did you realize that everytime you talk about “culture” you can easily switch the word with “race” and your text still has the same meaning?
I can see how someone growing up in a hipocrite society like that could start to hate his “culture” btw. Fucking racists.
All white women who date Asian men are sluts in denial.
See asian guys? We can do the same to you and your relationships, so STFU!
That’s really nice but your insults are usually far more intense. Like going out of your way just to present your asian gf as a sex trophy. Or using the word of God to call us sinners. Ganging up on the only asian person in college interfering with his education making him dropout. Hiding your women from us because you don’t want us to date. Teaching your children to hate us right in front of our face. Spitting on our children. These things we do not do to you, or at least not as frequent. I only wished you knew what it was really like in our shoes, I wouldn’t recomend it, you might loss your soul. I bet you don’t ever have to deal with these insults ever in your life at least not by the word of God. Do you have examples of asian people doing these things to you? Probably not.
“All white women who date Asian men are sluts in denial.”
There aren’t that many.
Its both sexual and intellectual attraction between white males and asian females.
Very interesting ideas. Oddly enough, I wrote a post (in response to one of your posts) to talk about the male side of this. Unfortunately, I think I did rather poorly, considering that I only experienced a WM/AF relationship for a short time (and probably for the wrong reasons), and never really got much negative feedback from it. I have gotten both positive and negative comments from people about being *attracted* to Asian women — because I majored in Chinese (and Spanish … and International Studies), and because in the past I have expressed a preference.
The biggest stereotypes can have a grain of truth in them. When I was dating a Chinese girl, there were a few times where I felt a little like an ornament. Some of that may have been purely from communication problems — she spoke no English, and when she was talking to someone else, my Chinese was not good enough to participate in the conversation. I suppose I was largely having doubts about a relationship with such a large communication barrier, and confused when she did not mention any kind of doubt at all.
But I readily accept that that was one relationship, and there is no reason to judge all Asian women based on that. After all, my own brother is married to a Taiwanese woman, and they are genuinely happy together. And I have enormous number of Chinese friends, most of whom are female, and a few of which I would probably date if they wanted me.
So, I guess it’s all perspective. I have no doubt some percentage of the negative comments you’ve gotten are, like me, guys who have dated Asians for the wrong reasons and gotten burned. A few others may be people who rarely encounter people of other races, and still another may be resentful Asian males. All of those groups, and really anyone who would look on your relationship negatively for superficial reasons could probably use some perspective.
I understand that you use this blog to document your experiences and opinions but “ending bias against white and Asian relationships?” Seriously, what on earth are you talking about?
If there is any hostility towards a particular brand of relationships it’s that of the black male and the East Asian female, or vice versa as a matter of fact. One can even substitute ‘black’ for ‘south Asian’, and a similar pattern of social scorn occurs in that scenario. In stark contrast, white and East Asian relationships are often considered preferable in many parts, with people even going as far as prescribing it to budding singletons. You may be looking at your relationship in a comparative light with that of an all East Asian union, but you still do not know what it is like to face the kind of unadulterated hatred and bigotry I receive, set upon befouling my love and I.
I trust that you are reasonably cultured in mind and soul, and so in turn you will know that this form of vehement racism practiced in East Asian countries is totally unacceptable.
East Asian cultures are not alone in this old world racist bigotry. On my travels I have found that pretty much every ethnic group whose ancestry is rooted in lands east of Turkey have this innate preference for lighter, fairer, paler skin.
The race-hate and race-love has been rubber stamped through the centuries, and millennia even. To spend the bulk of ones day toiling in menial and manual labour out in the fields meant people would acquire darker skin pigmentation as a result of being out labouring for so long in the sun and heat. Having to do such unfavourable jobs obviously put such workers in the lesser ranks of society. Thus darker skinned peoples in amongst a particular ethic and cultural population cluster were always treated as lower class and judged to be inferior. In contrast the paler, fairer, lighter, whiter looking peoples of that same specific ethnic population cluster were in turn treated more favourably. For they couldn’t have been doing lowly back breaking labour in the heat of the daily sun as their skin was so darn pale.
However there is a region in the world were pretty much everyone in the ethnic group is pale. In Ireland for example, the poor and the elites have always been both equally as pasty skinned. Likewise in Anglo, Saxon, Norse, and other Celtic societies.
In the older ancient African societies such as those in Ghana, the Senegalese Kingdoms and the Hausa/Fulani Kingdoms in Nigeria we find the overly educated elite and the lower class poor have always been dark skinned. Darker skin has no socio-economic implications whatsoever. The dark skin melanin pigment formation being an advantageous trait in response to constant all year round exposure to the suns UV rays.
Asiatic cultures are rife with this Inferiority/Superiority Complex. They know they are all too close to being thought of as dark and thus a member of the lesser classes according to their cultural norms, this leads to the Inferiority Complex, and not quite being comfortable self esteem wise. Which goes hand in hand with the Superiority Complex many possess towards other groups, particularly darker skinned groups. I, myself am coming from a culture in Ghana, which doesn’t praise pale skin or at the same time denigrate dark skin, sitting comfortably content as a culture on the whole. I feel extremely sorry for anyone who possesses these racist feelings born out of an Inferiority/Superiority Complex which I find absolutely everywhere in Asia but scant in Africa. Funny how it’s in Asia now that we tend to find the most modern forms of Nationalism, Xenophobia, Ethnocentrism, overt Racism, and Caste Systems in operation.
Asians will always worship paler and fairer skin types at the same time berate darker skin people, it is deeply imbedded into their cultural makeup. This wasn’t so much of an issue a while ago as it was kept amongst their population clusters, but now in a world where we have little choice but to integrate more and more on a micro level and of course at a macro level in an ever-connected world you start to notice this more clearly. Very depressing from a humanity point of view. Very few Asians are able to totally rid themselves of this Inferiority “white worship” and Superiority “black scorn.”
I have been fortunate enough to fall in love with and marry a very rare woman indeed. One who has taught herself to be freed from this archaic bigotry. Incidentally she is the first and only woman from East Asia I have ever and now will ever date. She gave me a wonderful window into how the culture thinks, and l thank God she doesn’t think like the culture.
Here is an exhaustive list of the countries I have stepped foot in on my travels, sometimes on my own, and sometimes with mixed groups of young multi-ethnic friends.
Turkey
Tanzania
South Africa
All over Europe (Ryanair is an absolute godsend)
Israel
India
Bangladesh
Hong Kong
Taiwan
South Korea
Ghana obviously
Senegal
South Africa
Egypt briefly
I wont bore you all with the numerous anecdotal apartheid-like treatment I received on my journeys.
Oh, I haven’t mentioned this yet, but I’m actually from the UK. I am a third generation Black Briton of Ghanaian decent. My wife is from Taiwan but moved to the UK where she met me, she says, and I quote, “I hate the mentality of the people in my country, I really don’t like the culture.”
Some time later into the relationship she stressed, “my mother really really wants to meet you, my brother, my sister, my father everyone!! They’ve fallen for you just by Skype and the way you make me so happy”
Sadly so many people are so narrow minded with their racist bigotry that they can never allow themselves the opportunity to experience such happiness.
Yes, my blog is about my own experiences and opinions, and this post is mainly about some of the open hostility I get because of how ubiquitous the Asian female/white male pairing is; if I am comparing my relationship to any other, it is the white female/Asian male relationship, which has its own struggles, of course, but doesn’t have the same sort of stereotypes attached and doesn’t invite the same sort of vitriol (others may argue otherwise). I don’t write about other interracial pairings because it’s not in my realm of experience, but I don’t doubt the hatred and bigotry you and your wife have gone through, and my heart goes out to similar couples facing this sort of unfair treatment. In my own circle, my good friend is a Chinese-American woman in a serious relationship with a man from Zimbabwe, and I’ve seen how deeply she struggles with family expectations. Every type of interracial pairing receives some sort of social scorn from different quarters; thank you for sharing your own struggles, but I don’t want this to be a white/Asian pairings VS black/Asian pairings, “let’s pit interracial pairings against each other” competition. As you’ve pointed out, you have a different sort of difficulty. I wish you and your wife all the best, and you’re lucky that her family has been accepting of your relationship. Mine hasn’t reached that stage yet.
While I agree that every IR pair has to deal with some sort of adversity, I don’t think you can honestly discuss this without considering other pairings because this concept is at the core of the discussion. If you want to talk about ending bias for asian female, white male couples you have to consider that the reason they are given any attention and bias at all is because of the lack of visibility of asian females with non-white, non-asian males. It really is a core part of the discussion that cannot be ignored or shrugged aside if you want to get the entire picture. Why don’t you see more asian females with hispanic males, or indians, or blacks? That very reason is partially why there is so much bias facing the asian female, white male couple and warrants more discussion if you really want to understand the issue.
This is the best comment I’ve read on the issue because it really touches at some of the core truths. I myself have witnessed and experienced the inferiority/superiority complex that asian people deal with growing up around asian communities most of my life. If you want to talk about the issue of bias, you really have to address this complex because I feel like that can hint as why a lot of these asian female, white male couples even form in the first place and then later on face bias. I mean, the very fact that this particular article has so many comments and similar views shows that there is some kind of truths to the stereotypes/bias. It is not always right or politically correct, but this issue is complex and there are a lot of factors playing into it. For one, I believe that if asian culture were more open to other cultures when it comes to dating and marriage, this bias would not be so extreme. But this is not the case. It seems like even though there might be a little resistance to asian girls dating white girls (if you’re in Asia) it is generally excepted whereas if that same asian girl were to date a person of color she would nearly have to re-evaluate her entire life. In a way, I think asian culture has to take a lot of the blame for this bias. If it were easier for asian women to date other cultures, this bias and the occurrence of these asian female, white male pairings would not be so common.
“Ending bias against white male and Asian female couples?”
If anyone can end the bias, the world would be interested in the formula to apply it in every corner of the world. As time passes and more of these relationships occur, it will eventually pan out, but not for generations to come. People are ignorant continually. It is human nature.
What you are looking for is not found in the world aroud you, but within. When you resolve in your mind to accept peace, contentment, and joy into your heart, you will be free of all bias in society because you will tune it all out. You must dump the junk of lame societal thinking from your mind. You will look up and live a peaceful life that surpasses understanding.
As much as it might be nice to retreat into meditation and serenity, people do need to talk about these issues. You shouldn’t take the title at face value, I have a feeling it was as much click-bait as anything else, but to ignore these biases and stigmas is the wrong thing to do. Thick skin, yes. Detachment, no.
i think its very backward that we still associate wealth with being white, and that asian women naturally or automatically or by some deluded logic, gravitate towards white men because asian women are all ‘gold diggers’. when is the perception of asian women being ‘gold diggers’ going to change? isn’t this all very 1950s, when colonialism and imperialism was still rampant in the Orient?
‘gold diggers’ are a universal phenomenon, and we should not accept this stereotype associated with asians. they occur in white women, black women, ghetto women, republican women, and several other racial types! its the capitalist age! what about cougars and toy boys? when did they escape bigotry???
as for people being critical of asians attaching themselves to white men, i see this as jealousy, and bitterness. why else would people be approving of asians dating arabs, middle eastern men, or black or african men? is such a move considered altruistic, or some other sacrificial move that women have to make to justify their feminine servitude to men? is this where the ‘pale’ worship comes in?
i’m honestly a little disappointed that in 2011, we’re still using these archaic and outdated, even deluded ethnographic terms to describe or rationalise development in romantic feelings.
and i do honestly sympathise with the predominance of Asian Mother Brigade(my own mother is Malaysian, and my current boyfriend is not really white, but is of Native American and Dutch descent). I wish you the best!
As an Asian girl (Chinese) who has only ever been interested in Asian men, I’ve been fairly oblivious to this “yellow fever” thing. In fact, it’s been only recently that I’ve been made aware of this term, and that’s actually due to all these online blogs that have been popping up. To think all these years I thought white guys (or any) flirted just because, hey, she’s a girl! Now you guys are making me paranoid! That people think it’s nothing short of a fetish every time a white guy shows some interest?
Sheesh. Stop being so paranoid.
wow i ve been in China since june and the amount of open or in the closet racism is something i ve never seen before. I am a white male married to a native Beijing girl. we actually married in the EU where i was working and she doing her master. I decided to quit my job; to learn more about her and what makes up her personality; and we moved to Beijing where she s working and i am studying chinese. she aint benefiting from being with me since i don’t earn money in china. WHat strikes me is the level of ignorance and hatred a asian woman gets from her own countrymen. I mean europe is pretty much mixed up and diverse so growing up in a multi cult environment (i exclude spain and italy since less diversified) makes people a lot more tolerant. Even my old gran and her friends had nothing but warm words for my (then gf) better half. When a woman is abroad why shouldn’t she meet local people instead of other expats? vis versa why should a white man meet only foreign girls while being in…wait… aw asia? Chinese really should stop that stupid ranting and better take care of themselves instead of minding other peoples business…btw just to be a bit of a baddy as well but…brushing your tooth and using mouthwash, washing your hands after visiting the loo goes a long way with d ladies
The reason there is bias is because white men/asian women couples have a lot of weird members, either the white male partner is weird (ugly, loser, pedophile, old, gay, obsessed with asians, etc) or the asian female partner has an obsession with white guys, wants to be white, wants whiter babies, etc.
Im not saying all of them are like this but enough to give them a bad name.
I personally always knew since i was young of the stereotype of white men that like asians having pedophilic tendencies but i later met so many gay white men in the closet that love teenage boys especially asian boys, i was like i knew it lol.
It’s your free will to date whoever you want, and if your preference is WM/AM then so be it. It’s unfortunate that you face backlash around your choice, but you should be cognizant that there is a reason for this. Perhaps I can help elucidate by sharing some life experiences as an Asian male growing up in America…
It wasn’t long ago when I was in a group voice conversation over the Internet; no one in the chat room had met anyone before in real life, but we have known each other for a good month from conversation. One person in the chat room who was obviously an Asian Male due to his accent decided to show a little Asian pride and played some Asian music. An Asian women in the room was embarrassed by it (granted the music was cheesy), and out right said “this is why I don’t date Asian guys anymore.” She then went on to describe how she grew up around White people, and then the conversations in the chat room digressed, and there were some jokes about the Asian guy’s accent. In any case, it lead to the point where I stepped in told everyone I was Asian as well, and basically had to say somethings in defense of my race… In any case, it was clear that the Asian girl was embarrassed, and clearly didn’t expect that I was Asian.
Years before this I belong to a club which provided me the opportunity to go on first dates in a group setting. During this time, on a number of occasions, I observed that many Asian women had a strong preference for White Men to the point where preference would be better described as discriminatory. There was one particular occasion that sticks out in my mind: one night there was an Asian American girl, well educated (Ivy MBA) who I had some interest in. I made conversation, but every once in a while she would struggle to try to shift conversations with the one White Male at the table. I had trouble understanding why she made such a great effort as he didn’t have a strong interest in her; honestly, at that point I was embarrassed about making the effort to converse with her. Immediately, you might have guess it was pure attraction especially since everyone at the table had only been acquainted for no more than 1/2 hour, but trust me, we’re not talking about Johnny Depp here. Both of us had equal presence at the table that night, but we are two very different persons. He was blue collar, he was an ex-amateur boxer and he liked motorcycles. I on the other hand am an intellectual (also Ivy graduate). He drew people in with his bad boy persona. I drew people in with my humor. Perhaps I don’t understand what women find attractive… but he was short (5,7″- which is what people often complain about Asian guys) while I’m much taller (5’11). He was a bulky guy. He has a bigger build than me, but I’m not frail like your stereotypical Asian Male either–I’ve been active all my life, and my build isn’t very different from a typical middleweight boxer. I don’t know about looks, but naturally I look Asian, and he is White; however, he looks much older than I was, and he was clearly balding. In any case, her body language was clear. She was interested in him.
There are quite a number of Asians where I live, and I undoubtedly notice more Asian Women and White Male couples than Asian couples. The Asian couples that I see are typically immigrants. But this is just my life, and my observations; however, there are a lot of statistics and studies out there that actually show Asian Women’s preference for White Men. The thing that is bothersome is that Asian Women are a statistical anomaly (eg. https://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&q=cache:02W8W7Lpu04J:faculty.chicagobooth.edu/emir.kamenica/documents/racialpreferences.pdf+&hl=en&gl=us&pid=bl&srcid=ADGEESgWudxq1tBM3BGzzs2mn4NeXe5OZNYH4u3mVgl0Op6ha-gjudqavda7cfHQbMrASa8LBEulT_dQeBSoXa0l2Frj1o1Nz9_vQ_77aRPUpMBDQ3w7YpswqKIfUoyCPMDTBYfp4ROY&sig=AHIEtbQ86fOrBn4ET7UIaMRzrrsw9nZlzg). For whatever reason, just Asian Women have this outlook, and this is one of the primary reasons why I think Asian Men are so upset. The way I see it is that many Asian Women look at an average Asian Man and White Man, and for whatever reason, perceive a Honda Civic and a Mercedes Benz; while a person free from prejudices will see a Honda Civic and a Ford Focus. That’s my 2 cents…
You know, in a perfect world these things would not matter. I know what it’s like to be judged based on looks, but I have also lived abroad myself and after my experiences it is hard to say that there are not couples who make the stereotypes about AF/WM couples true. I wish I didn’t have to say it but I have met so many asian girls who will date absolutely ANY white guy as if they have no standards whatsoever, no matter what kind of a person he is. This seems to be especially true if you go to Asia, where I feel like the standards drop even more. One comment resonated a lot with me by “oneidea” where he said ” I observed that many Asian women had a strong preference for White Men to the point where preference would be better described as discriminatory.”
From my experiences that statement is SO true, moreso in Asian than in America. I have met so many asian girls who will turn down plenty of other races for absolutely no reason just to date a white guy. There was one girl I knew who was Japanese and she would always talk about how she hated dating asian guys. She would only date white guys and I saw her get used time and time again, white guy after white guy. Just for sex. Finally, she ended up dating someone asian. She could have given other races a chance but she never did. It was just white, white, white until she finally met an asian guy who could change her mind after 2 years of trying to date her. Even at my job a few weeks ago, I was working around some asian girls who were going off about how much they love white guys. For what? There was no good reason. One girl said that if she brought home a guy who wasn’t asian or white her parents would freak out. So, you tell me if there isn’t some kind of white worshipping going on in the asian community?
It is hard not to believe that white people have influenced culture so much that dating a white person becomes a status symbol in asian cultures and around the world. This is even more apparent when you notice how asian cultures treat each other and other races very negatively at times. I have always noticed that different asian cultures are actually more racist and hateful towards each other than other cultures are to them, but when it comes to white people it almost seems like they bend over backwards to accommodate white culture. Their media is also clearly skewed to making white people look almost perfect. Go to China or Japan and you will almost always see a white person portrayed as some successful business man on a billboard or poster. It is only thanks to the internet that I can see that there are actually asian people who pride themselves in their own culture and do not feel like they are inferior and finally work to put out more positive images of asians in the media.
Now, thanks to Obama we finally have some positive images about people of color in asia and I can say the media has changed a lot, but that wasn’t the case only a few years before he was elected. Funny thing is, I now talk to some Japanese friends who talk about how they only like to date black guys so maybe the trends are changing.
I have also met a LOT of white guys who view asian women as easier, or some kind of exploit or trophy to the point where it makes me very skeptical when I see these AF/WM couples. I am not naturally this way, because I am in an interracial relationship myself and I have faced discrimination, but I have met SO many white guys that are like this towards asian women that I am at the point where I have to mentally prepare myself to judge everyone equally when I see another AF/WM couple. It’s kind of sad when you’re in an interracial relationship and you have to mentally prepare yourself to judge other IR equally, but based on my own experiences it is hard to filter out the stereotypes. I wish I had met more asian women who had standards and white men who didn’t treat asian culture like some kind of fetish, but I haven’t.
Just do a simple google search if you want to see how a good portion of white guys (or white people in general) talk about asian women and men. I don’t really have to do any convincing, the results will speak for themselves. I would bet my paycheck you could find 100,000+ posts online by white males and females talking about asian women as if they are some kind of foreign objects. I think that this is just how white culture views asian culture in general and that might also be why they have influenced asian cultlure to the point of putting white people on a pedastal. Have you ever asked yourself why you never really see asian men in dominant roles in America and other white cultures? I mean.. why is that? It’s because white people in general look at asian culture a certain way unless you encounter the rare individual who has cultured and educated himself to the big world around them. Have you ever asked yourself why white people have it easier in asia? Why is it not hispanic people that asians look up to? Or blacks? Why is it white? Why do asian people bleach their skin to be even whiter and consider dark skin uglier? When I talk to a lot of white guys about asian culture you can see the ignorance and lack of regard from a lot of them. So, it is hard for me to say there isn’t a great amount of truth to the stereotypes. There is.
At the same time, I can also say that these stereotypes do not describe EVERYONE. There are white people who are caught in the mix who genuinely do not care that they are dating an asian girl and simply love the girl for who she is, and vice versa. However, this seems to be the EXCEPTION and not the rule right now – and that is the issue. In my previous job I would see AW/WM couples literally EVERY SINGLE DAY constantly. It was like some kind of phenomenon and you absolutely have to ask yourself “Why is it only white male, asian female and hardly EVER asian male, white female or even other races?” You just have to ask!
I also have a lot of hapa friends who are black/asian, white/asian, hispanic/asian, etc. It seems like more often than not these relationships end in a divorce and that’s usually due to some shallow reasons for getting together (not truly understanding cultures, objectifying). I’ve also grown up with white friends who would ONLY date asian girls, breakup after breakup. I know at least 10 white guys who were like this from my school days. That is by no means indicative of the entire population but from my experiences, I can say I’ve seen the stereotypes for myself. Once I switched jobs to another location, I actually see a lot of couples that are asian female, black male or asian male, white female or even indian guy, chinese girl. To me, these pairings are a little more believable as based on true love because they are harder to establish and maintain. You will very rarely see an asian male dating a black or white female or an asian girl dating a person of color because of all the possible repercussions with family and friends. Anyways, it may not be the most politically correct view but those are some of my experiences. In the end, there are a LOT of couples that make the stereotypes true and I would definitely say they are the majority.
However, you have to worry about yourself and your own reasons for dating somebody. If you are in an asian female, white male couple you will be stereotyped thanks to the thousands of similar couples who make the stereotypes true. Just make sure that the white guy actually has some kind of respect and regard for your culture and the asian girl actually has some kind of respect for herself and standards to date a real man and to not be objectified. That is all you can do.
We have to face facts. There are many Asian-American women who are self-loathing, who would restrict themselves to dating white guys only. They consider Asian men together with Black and Latin men as inferior or not good enough for them.
There was a survey taken some time back in the early 2000s (the website has already been removed) on women of various races and their racial dating preferences. Most women surveyed expressed their overwhelming preference in dating men of their own race with the exception of Asian women. When asked why, they would give all kinds of stories of the ugly physical attributes of Asian men. But when asked if they would date an Asian if he had physical attributes as good or even better than a WM, they still gave a negative answer. This means they would prefer a white Honda to a yellow Mercedes Benz anytime.
The worst part is that these women would eventually wind up dating some white trash male because all they’re obsessed with is getting a white guy – any white guy.
Statistics in the US have shown that amongst the various female races, Asian women have the highest rate of interracial marriages and to WM. It was around 10 percent vs under 2 percent for the other races. When they broke the Asian women down to their ethnic origins, it was the Chinese, Japanese, Koreans and Vietnamese who made up this 10 percent. Apparently, the East Indian women who married outside their race was under 2 percent. It shows that it is the yellow ones who are self-hating. It’s gotten to the point where some of them would stoop so low to appear on YouTube or some other video bashing Asian men from their physical attributes to their “geekiness”. That shows how ugly they have become on the inside. It seems that it is the White women, as well as the Black and Latin women despite their economic woes, who have remained loyal to their men and race. This just shows how sick our Asian “sisters” have become.
There are some in the Asian community who have blamed the white man for suffering from YELLOW FEVER for all this WM/AF dating. But in most cases, it is the AF who is pursuing the white guy. Can you imagine how a WF reject would feel when a bunch of AF start making the first move on him. He will start to develop a fetish for AF and suffer from YELLOW FEVER.
You may also notice that the really cool, successful WM will never settle for an AF nor a woman of any other race but his own (Rupert Murdoch is an exception.) He will usually wind up with a stunning blonde haired, blue-eyed lady. That tells you the type of WM our AF would settle for.
As for the Asian men who are upset with this whole WM/AF dating scene, I would advice you not to bother. You should just feelsorry for these Asian women who have gotten so sick and ugly on the inside. They have become less than human.
By the way, has anybody come across a married WM/AF couple where the AF works 9/5 or longer while the WM is unemployed and prefers to stay that way. I have come across 3 such cases like that. If an Ivy League AF wants to settle for a plumber just for his white skin, let her suffer the consequences.
For your consolation, just checkout http://www.geisham.blogspot.com – the earliest post ‘Memoirs of a Geisha American’ and http://www.stuffeurasianslike.wordpress.com/2011/07/09/asian-girls-hate-white-girls-for-not-treating-white-boys-right (The product of a WM/AF marriage).
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That business about self-hating Asians is a bunch of rubbish. How do you know the white man is not self-hating? Or maybe he does not like potato chip-eating plump white girls. Is that yellow fever? And probably his Asian gf likes something about his personality and about how he treats her, as opposed to just selecting some random white guy to pursue as billyap suggests. In summary, I have to wonder if poster billyap is not just expressing his anger at having been rejected in the past, perhaps due to his chauvinistic behavior or racist attitudes.
Need I point you to sites like Skadi or Stormfront to show white people’s agendas to breed out other races? Most of our population growth is due to immigration, and our TFR is about the same as blacks due to interracial marriage. Why do all non-asians and asian women ignore the derogatory remarks against Asian men at sites like those? Their agendas about outbreeding others is pretty clear cut. Yet because of our ways, we have lead Asian women to believe going with white men is better. And the article is misleading. Ending bias against WM/AF couples? That, in itself, is already a bias, duh. What about bias against Asian men, hm? How about these quasi-racist white women who go out and defend your pairing(which nationalist white women sort of don’t mind as they also follow the trend of not breeding themselves out with Asian men quicker if population numbers were equal), which is actually just a conscious awareness of defending their right to date black men of all varieties, even the baby faced Subsaharan African guys(at least black is a definitive statement to them; can’t discriminate against any Africans).