Update 19/1/2011: To prevent further misconceptions, threats, and to stop giving her poor Asian mother heart palpitations every time she checks this post, Shanghai Shiok! is now making it incredibly obvious that the following article is:
- Aparody of Amy Chua’s “Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior.”
- A satirical, exaggerated take on some of the relationships the author has witnessed in Shanghai.
Also: DO NOT REPRODUCE THIS POST IN ITS ENTIRETY. See Permissions.
***
Why Chinese Girlfriends Are Superior
By CHINESE GIRLFRIEND
A lot of foreign girlfriends I meet wonder how Chinese girlfriends have such doting boyfriends. They wonder about the dynamics of these relationships that produce boyfriends who are attentive, adoring, and even willing to do all household chores. Often, these foreign girlfriends wonder whether they will be able to have such boyfriends too. Well, I can tell you that anyone can be a Chinese girlfriend, if you are able to enforce some basic rules. Here are some of the things my boyfriend is required to do:
- carry my purse in public
- not complain about carrying my purse in public
- text me his coordinates every hour outside of school/work hours
- spend the weekend with me (except in special circumstances)
- befriend only married female classmates/colleagues
- cook exquisite meals
- buy me a thoughtful present every month
- coax me into forgiving him when he makes a mistake
I’m using the term “Chinese girlfriend/s” loosely. What I mean by this term is, certain Chinese girls living in Shanghai. What I really mean by this term is, ME, so don’t get your panties all in a twist. I just like the idea that I represent an entire population because I have the best boyfriend in the world. Just take “Chinese girlfriend/s” as “girls who act like I do.” I also use the term “foreign girlfriend/s” loosely. It just refers to “girls who don’t act like I do, because they are from a different culture, so are less likely to know how to act like I do without these specific instructions.”
When foreign girlfriends think they have their boyfriends under control, they have no idea what control really means. For example, my foreign friend who thinks she is rather strict with her boyfriend (who lives in nearby Hangzhou) requires that he calls her for at least 15 minutes every night before bed so they can catch up and tell each other about everything going on in their lives. He must also come visit her in Shanghai at least once a month. My response: Are you kidding me?! When my boyfriend went to Nanjing on a six-month internship, I required the following:
- a phone call in the mornings before work
- a text during lunch breaks
- a text when leaving work
- a 1,000-character email in the evenings, emoticons not counted
- a phone call before bed to tell me anything he may have left out
- visits every weekend, except in exceptional circumstances (such as company events on Saturday, in which case I went to visit him)
Foreign girlfriends are extremely obsessed with giving their boyfriends enough “space.” In my own small-scale study, a comparison of my 8 foreign girlfriend colleagues and 10 Chinese girlfriend colleagues, 99% of the foreign girlfriends said giving their boyfriends lots of freedom and “breathing room” was important for a healthy relationship. By contrast, 0% of the Chinese girlfriends felt the same way. Instead, all these Chinese girlfriends argued that allowing some distance and so-called “freedom” for themselves and their boyfriends meant they were not committed to the relationship, and that their failure to put tight leashes on their partners meant it would be their fault if the men strayed.
What Chinese girlfriends understand is that for any relationship to succeed, you must throw yourself 100% into it. Sometimes, that 100% seems like clinginess, insecurity, and neediness to foreigners, but it is actually good for Chinese men’s psyches. An attentive and demanding girlfriend is a girlfriend who cares. Chinese girlfriends ask for 100% but also give 100% back. I am willing to do things that many foreign women find uncomfortable, such as pluck my boyfriend’s unibrow in public, do his homework, throw tantrums in public. But all this is for my man’s confidence, even the tantrums; it shows that he means the world to a beautiful Chinese girl. He is an all-important man capable of provoking female passions.
Unlike many foreign girlfriends who give up hope and break up with their boyfriends when the inevitable disagreements happen, Chinese girlfriends see arguments as positive occurrences that continuously develop the relationship. But our way of showing displeasure is unique. Foreign couples are vocal, which leads to more problems when neither partner is willing to concede defeat. An argument with a Chinese girlfriend, on the other hand, goes like this:
Chinese girlfriend (CG): How dare you!
Boyfriend (B): Huh?
CG: Not talking to you! Hurt my feelings!
B: Baby, what did I do wrong?
CG: [No reply, turns her back to him.]
B: Baby, I’m so sorry…
CG: [A delicate tear falls down her cheek, followed by a sob.]
B: Please forgive me, I’ll never hurt you again.
CG: [Turns her teary face to him with a forgiving smile.]
B: I love you! [Wraps his arms around her.]
Now, in the above situation, the Chinese girlfriend is able to make it known to her boyfriend that he has done something to upset her, but she does not make him lose face by explaining exactly what it is he has done wrong. That he understands he was wrong is enough. Then, she gives him the chance to hōng 哄 her, or coax her into forgiving him. This way, she gives him the fun of a challenge, confidence in his coaxing abilities, and the pleasure of a successful re-wooing.
Chinese girlfriends can get away with things that foreign girlfriends can’t. Foreign girlfriends call their boyfriends by sweet endearments — “Honey,” “sweetheart,” “darling,” that sort of thing. But for Chinese girlfriends, the real sign of affection is in insult. The top three things I call my boyfriend:
1. 猪头 Zhū tóu, meaning “pig head,” “moron.” Very popular among young Chinese.
2. 阿呆 Ādāi, meaning “dummy.” Comparable to foreign habit of affectionately and occasionally referring to your little brother as dummy. Except, you know, I use it for my boyfriend, constantly.
3. 窝囊废 Wōnángfèi, meaning “good-for-nothing,” “loser.”
When I told a foreign colleague that I liked calling my boyfriend these things, she looked really upset, like she wanted to cry or something. She actually had to leave the office, take the rest of the day off. What an Ādāi herself! But it was okay; the next day, she was back at work, and brought along this book about real Chinese words used by Chinese people, called Niubi! by one Eveline Chao. My colleague had highlighted this passage, which she said helped her understand my flippant meanness:
…Chinese people, perhaps as a result of their collective thick skin, tend to demonstrate affection by being mean. Or rather, they speak frankly to each other in a way that, for them, indicates a level of familiarity that only a close relationship can have. But, to outside observers, it resembles, at best, a sort of constant, low-level stream of verbal abuse. For a young Chinese woman, there is no better way to express love for her boyfriend than by whacking him with her purse while telling him he’s horrible.
Wow, I thought when I read this. I whacked my boyfriend while telling him he was horrible last week. It’s been too long; I must remember to do it again today.
Chinese girlfriends can order their boyfriends to pay attention to them. Foreign girlfriends can only hope that their charming qualities, patience and understanding will instill such devotion. They have to tip-toe around their own wants, needs and longings and try to persuade themselves that they are modern women who don’t need a “suffocating” male presence in their lives and that they don’t have the time to “smother” anyone either.
Foreign girlfriends care too much about respecting their boyfriends’ individuality. By contrast, Chinese girlfriends believe that the best way to nurture a relationship is by stripping their boyfriends of individuality, so that existence as a couple – complete with its many rules and expectations — is the only existence these men will know, and be able to survive in.
P.S. Writer CHINESE GIRLFRIEND is channeling Amy Chua of current parenting-controversy fame, whose piece in the Wall Street Journal was hilarious… and hilariously bad. However, her book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, which I am in the middle of, is a very funny, touching, self-effacing, complicated work. The 1-star reviews of the book appear to be mostly from people who haven’t read it and are reacting to the WSJ piece. Pity.
Update: Have finished Chua’s book. One of the best memoirs ever. Instant classic. When she starts obsessing over whether she can train her dog like she trained her daughters, you know she’s started to doubt herself.
***
Update 19/1/2011: Shanghai Shiok! reserves the right to publish the IP addresses of those leaving threatening and/or profane messages, a.k.a. the type of people who should have been subjected to Tiger Parenting.
Update 20/1/2011: Thanks for this tribute site: Superior Chinese Girlfriend
Congratulations, you have completely summarized the reason even im mixed chinese/western I like my chinese GF so much. I do live in shanghai, sometimes stockholm, or Toronto. I do like being called a moron and whacked with her purse, and heh im only a male. (the exception is im more like a dong bei man, not happy purse carrier) I will however carry my entire gf on my shoulders purse and all happily. Since i look entirely western its hard for western girls esp. in sweden to understand me. they give me space, I think they hate me. I guess im to wierd la..
PS: You have really grown up a lot. Your much more considerate and kind to others, and perhaps more patient. I have enjoyed reading your blog for the last 4 years.. Keep up the blogging. Its a nice contract in culture and daily life.
Hope you get your dissertation done and get a super high mark.
Your friend in Shanghai. @weirdshanghai
Haha nicely done! I’d love to know what you think about her book after you’re done reading it. In the meantime, I am going to be talking about this piece on CFRC radio on Monday night…after which I will stop talking about this article forever, I promise.
Love your writing style!
You are channeling the tiger mom (or girlfriend in this case) perfectly.
“A lot of foreign girlfriends I meet wonder how Chinese girlfriends have such doting boyfriends”
哇哈哈哈哈。。 上海(男人)欢迎你！
Pingback: Perché le ragazze di Shangai sono superiori » Orientalia4All
Throwing a fuss and not telling why, is like giving a dog an acid-coated bone.
Isn’t it a “BIT” presumptuous that the guy will always understand his mistakes. sometimes it may be ambiguous as to what the whole fuss is about. Maybe he wud lie to U and admit defeat rather than stick out and say that he has no idea why U are fussing.
You sure hav a real caring guy who values u in his life more than his “self”. Don’t try out these experiments and lose him. STOP b4 its too late…
Note to self: don’t get a Chinese girlfriend.
you forgot to mention that while he gets to hold her empty purse she gets to hold his wallet. a real chinese girlfriend get holds his bank card and a real chinese wife gets the paycheck.
Ha ha that sounds like all my female relatives! I have no idea where the ~shy, delicate~ Asian girl stereotype came from.
Wow, seriously?
This is the most contrived piece of B.S. I’ve ever heard. I hope your boyfriend grows a pair, dumps you, and finds the girl of his dreams before you systematically de-hair his balls.
Eesh. Psycho.
It appears Chinese girlfriends are just as corrupt as their government.
No wonder oriental porn is so fucked.
Men repress their anger towards their women folk and recreate it in porn.
Seriously though, this is despicable, you treat your boyfriend like a dog. He must be seriously deluded, because if you recreated that kind of behaviour on a human being that you don’t have intimate relations with, you’d basically be blackmailing physically, financially and emotionally a slave to have at your side.
Seek the giving and sharing of emotions and caring actions as a bond of your relationship, not an ongoing task for him to be the perfect boyfriend, accept he has faults and let him accept yours. I assume from your lack of trust towards your partner you have plenty. If that doesn’t work, seek therapy. Because without your current deluded boyfriend, you will die alone in your chow mein smelling apartment.
Note from Shanghai Shiok: It’s a parody, and my apartment smells like roast duck, not chow mein.
Hello, guys? This is a parody. PARODY!! PARODY!!!! PARODY only! <3 So are we good now? Who else is whining about this being reality?
What a crap. Dont hv patience to read all thru..
Better get a DOG for urself.. looser…
You don’t have a boyfriend, you have a slave.
AAaaaaaaaaayyyyaaaaaaaaa!
Confucius say: “No one know when the troll, noodly arms flailing, will strike.”
Wow, that’s simply abusive.
No wonder Chinese men beat the ever living shit out of their wives. They must snap at some point late in the marriage.
“In my own small-scale study, a comparison of my 8 foreign girlfriend colleagues and 10 Chinese girlfriend colleagues, 99% of the foreign girlfriends said”
You know that 1% of 18 people is like a fifth of a person, right?
wow… seriously this so f***ed up… I would laugh in your face tell you learn your f***ing place… We have balls for a reason… Men like to be in charge, that is what we do, the only thing I agree with is the arguing thing, I love when my girl does that
Pretty funny. My own version, Song of the Manatee Father, here: http://j.mp/eZUBnI
Impressive how many of the same things we found in Chua’s piece, and how many people from both cultures have such a glancing relationship to satire.
“In my own small-scale study, a comparison of my 8 foreign girlfriend colleagues and 10 Chinese girlfriend colleagues, 99% of the foreign girlfriends said”
Aren’t Chinese supposed to be good at Maths?
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754.html
Would be the joke here, I believe.
Absolutely hilarious. It’s too bad nobody seems to understand a cinderblock of sarcasm when it hits their head. Also regardless how good her book is that original tiger mom article was just ridiculous.
This is really no different than the “cuckold” relationships where the man is so brain damaged or afraid of being alone that he will allow his wife to be fucked by other men, then is ordered to suck their sperm out of her.
For another example, google “small cock torture”. There are apparently some men that are warped enough to PAY for a dominatrix type chick to insult their penis size and god knows what else.
So, this entire article can be summarized by stating “some men have little to no sense of self worth.” I see no specific connection to the Chinese, unless for some reason Asian men have a higher dispensation toward this type of behavior.
I see the banter/insults as being pretty harmless, but making someone apologize without BASIC COMPREHENSION as to what they’ve done “wrong” is pointless at best, and mentally debilitating at worst. Kind of like yelling at a small child “say you’re sorry or else you will be spanked!” If the kid has any sense of self preservation they will speak the necessary words, regardless of their acceptance or understanding of the phrase.
What’s wrong with doting on each other equally?
If you want that kind of control, forget about a boyfriend and get a dog. If it doesn’t work out, you can always have it for dinner.
Judging from the comments above, some people have no appreciation for satire.
chinese guys need to take dominance like white guys
It’s true, it’s true. I have lots of Chinese girlfriends, they’re all like that.
I’m sorry but you are completely deluded. You treat your boyfriend as if he were a pet or a piece of property, as I understand it though it’s the other way around. Wasn’t there a problem a few years back with chinese parents abandoning their newborn daughters because a son would be able to provide for them in their later years where as a daughter was useless? You’ll be lucky if your relationship lasts more than a few years, you are domineering and overbearing. He’s most likely cheating on you simply due to the suffocation of your relationship, I know I would. All your little checks to “keep him on a short leash” are doing nothing other than building deep seated resentment toward you. Unless of course he actually likes this, in which case you should check and make sure you didnt accidentally get yourself involved in a lesbian relationship.
you sound like the worst girlfriend ever. whether or not you love that comment, i will certainly laugh at your boyfriend’s face next time i see him 带你的钱包 in shanghai.
Fantastic piece. Bonus points for the morons in the comments. (See DrObvious’s comment.)
So, I once had a Chinese girlfriend, and a lot of these things are ringing true for me. I thought I loved her because she was sweet, bubbly, and talkative, but I’m realizing that I probably liked her because of all the constraints she placed on me and all the verbal abuse. I wasn’t allowed to have another girl in my dorm room ever, and sometimes she would get upset if I even talked to a male friend. I would do something small, like not pay enough attention to her at dinner or something, and she would go nuts! Absolutely ballistic, and this happened pretty much every Saturday. Oh, and she NEVER apologized for anything, or admitted that her behavior might be her fault, she just kept on telling me that I’m a bad boyfriend for talking to other girls. Eventually I couldn’t take it anymore and we broke up. I thought she just had these crazy abandonment issues(both her parents died when she was young) but now I’m thinking it might just be a part of that culture.
Don’t know what to say. Guess Taiwanese girlfriends are different.
This would qualify for psychological abuse in my circle.
In the spirit of “A Modest Proposal.”
http://www.fullbooks.com/A-Modest-Proposal.html
/noted.
The title should read ‘how to be your girlfriend’s lapdog’
This would be effective castration without the surgery!
No way am I gonna be my girlfriend’s biatch!
Greatly unequal population gender distributions allow this mentality to actually persist. An interesting exercise. Kudos
So umm, I have had relationships like this, and one that developed over time. It was not about honest and open communication, and cut me off from friends I’d had for years because they happened to be female. To me that showed a lack of trust. If I wanted to discuss any such thing further, it was met with anger, and not with understanding and intelligent conversation. This trained me to NOT communicate because I couldn’t expect rational, logical, response or communication based on caring and understanding of the other person.
I, however, do not have the testicular fortitude of many westerners, and I did care, initially. Such interaction and general lack of possibility for open, caring, and understanding communication also meant there was no improvement. Saw two marriage counselors and a personal psychiatrist myself, wasted thousands of dollars, and there was never any effort toward change on her part to work toward something constructive as a couple. It was always “He did this,” or “That,” or “he should have…” and “Why doesn’t he talk to me anymore?” And any time I explained, everything I said was brushed aside, met with disbelief, and no effort for improvement was made nor any sense of responsibility expressed. That’s what finally sealed the deal that there was no remaining hope, and I’m now divorced.
If I’m ever in such a relationship again in the future, if there’s no effort made toward open and caring communication and understanding, I will be gone so quick that nobody will know I’ve left. I’m done with things coming from my own guilt, sick of cultural and societal norms, values, and beliefs dictating how I act or what’s expected of me in lieu of logical thinking, caring emotional response, and open, honest, caring communication to promote mutual understanding, openness, and trust. Remember, guilt =/= trust, and many people, male or female, wield it like a sharp blade.
Ultimately, I feel the need to realize that a relationship is the interaction between two individual people, and they should ideally be together because they want to, not because they have to. I question a bit the idea of marriage itself, now that I have this understanding. If a relationship is bad, then either fix it or get out. Just don’t sit there wasting time for 30+ years hating your life. Of course things could get complicated with kids–adults are capable of thinking and acting for themselves, and generally they can take care of themselves, whereas children cannot. Thus, I feel it was indeed good for me to get out of my marriage before kids. I don’t want to think about the implications that would have had with a broken relationship/marriage, and I’m not sure I really have the time or energy to sufficiently ponder them.
I operate from the main premises that:
1) People are not art to for us to mold, or at least they should not be. Do we mold our friends? I hope not. I hope to be helpful so as to augment what my friends can do, but I do not make decisions for them.
2) Adults can be responsible for themselves and take care of themselves and can ultimately get out of a bad situation with enough reflection. Children cannot (this along with premise 1 form part of my main argument against the author’s article on parenting).
The two most crucial elements for a good relationship in my opinion, are honesty and caring. Caring allows us to listen to each other openly and work through problems, not avoiding them. Honestly also facilitates this open communication. In all honesty, forcing phone calls, visitations every weekend (if in distant areas), doesn’t show me caring on either side, but it does show me lack of trust and/or fear and possessiveness on one side.
When it really comes down to it, if I REALLY care about friends, including significant others, without ego, I want them to have the best they can possibly have in their lives. If I am good for them, then I want them to be around me. If I’m not going to be a positive factor in their lives, then I fully expect they do what’s good for them, instead. If I’m in a relationship, I want to KNOW it’s from true caring. And if I stay in a relationship, I want to know it’s because it is healthy and both parties want to be there. The HIGHEST form of caring, in my opinion, is this wish for the best for the other, whilst taking care of oneself, too (a lopsided relationship isn’t very strong, usually… or at least not optimally strong).
There are people I haven’t been with because of the paths of our lives, proximity (or lack thereof), etc., and I wonder if one day we’ll get a chance. I’d really like to give that a shot, and it may or may not come to pass. If it does come to pass, though, I want to make sure we both feel, know, and express ourselves through those concepts of caring, honesty, understanding, facilitating open communication to work past problems together, operating by means of our collective critical thinking, reflection, and problem solving skills rather than retreating to sociocultural norms.
Perhaps that was too long, but I feel EVERY element of a healthy relationship is missing from the author’s article. The only one I kind of see is a sense of “caring,” but from parts of the reading I surmise that this form of caring is possessive and connected strongly with one’s own ego, looking at “What can my partner do for me?” rather than “What can we do to lead healthy and happy lives?” (I believe we need to be caring of ourselves, too, before we can care well for others. However, you shouldn’t work to patch your own holes through the presence of another).
A person seen as a possession can never be seen for the full beauty of their character and spirit.
Amy Chua is so pathetic. Thats the only thing I can say from her articles.
And this Chinese Girlfriend is also pathetic.
You people just don’t understand. You have to experience having a Chinese Girlfriend to get it. Everything this author said is right on the money. I have a Chinese Girlfriend like this, and it is the most amazing, rewarding, incredible relationship you could imagine. At first, yea, I was like, this is too much work, but then I realized it was a challenge. She was challenging me to be the best MAN i could be, and I took that challenge and I won!! Cause I’m a MAN.
I can’t even imagine having any other girlfriend now. When she starts screaming and yelling at me in public, because I didn’t hold the door for her…. oh it drives me wild with passion! And i look at my western friends, and how their girlfriends don’t ever push them or hit or scream, it makes me wonder if they really love them at all. Anyway, I could go on for hours about how right this article is, but to everyone out there, I say heed this author and carry your girlfriend’s purse around with pride!
That crack pipe must still be hot.
Great parody of the WSJ article. Also a good point that the article is not the whole story. I heard her on the Diane Rehm radio show, and that interview showed a rather different side.
Chinese girlfriend? nah just Alpha Female instead of Alpha Male… the world needs more of you.
Basically they castrate their men. Why are women attracted to alpha male and then strip them down to beta, then become bored of them and mock what they are responsible for creating.
The inevitable consequences of having many more men than women in China . . . the guys are desperate and will put up with anything just for the chance to get lucky.
Funny parody.
Commenters should be advised to read the WSJ piece before they comment!
The fact that most of the people leaving comments didn’t seem to ‘get it’ scares me.
this is the biggest piece of bullshit i’ve ever read. If my girlfriend was like that, i wouldnt f***in be with her, and I’d probably find someone miles better. Besides, I am chinese, and I dont know in which f***in little world this woman lives in, but certainly not the Earth.
F***in sick shit
Note from Shanghai Shiok: I live in a world where spewing f-words all over a stranger’s blog is unacceptable.
the fact that so many people can’t catch the dripping sarcasm and satire from this article greatly alarms me to the state of education everywhere.
Man/woman ratio in china is so unbalanced. Those horny men will put up with anything to get a girl.
Girls wouldnt survive outside china, unless there white man had uncontrollable yellow fever.
Don’t be so shocked that people don’t “get” the sarcasm/satire in this article. There are plenty of insane women all over the internet, ranting about insane shit. This piece fits right in.
Not everybody reads Amy-fucking-Chua, and most people don’t read the Wall Street Journal.
At least post a link to the original article that this is supposedly a satire of, jesus. Oh wait you cant because WSJ doesn’t allow non-members to view full articles online. WHICH IS WHY PEOPLE DONT READ THE WALL STREET JOURNAL, and consequently why no one understands that your stupid fucking satire piece about crazy Chinese women is a joke.
L2internet, get a clue
In fact, tomorrow i will begin to insult my boyfriend, whacking him with her purse while telling him he’s horrible, and coax him for text me the coordinates every hour outside of university (like a dog with a chip), and not explaining exactly what it is he has done wrong (if he does somethig wrong, cause I think I dont understand the “conversation”), and all this shit. Maybe then he could begin to heat me!!! And finish with some phicological problem for not understand what he does wrong, loosing his autoestim or something.
This is the 4º year with my chinesse no-chinesse boyfriend, and all in our relationship is love, I dont want him for treat me like a spoiled kid of 4 years, I want him for treat me like a woman, intelligent, mature and independet. Independet in the way that I can’t live without my boyfriend, but I have to grow up and take care of one self.
Really, you write that seriously or only for the polemic?
Love you “ANONIMOUS” xD:)
Ur foreign/spanish woman:)
you seriously need to NOT group yourself into the category “chinese girlfriends”. it makes the ones of us who are SANE and NORMAL look bad.
Wow! I was wrong. I thought Adam’s favorable review of the Chua book would go to 100+ comments. You might make it there.
Unfortunately, not all of those commenters even get you.
interesting article
are you exploiting amy chua’s work to bring the same level of fame upon yourself? what an opportunist. whether or not it’s loved or hated, you’ve got the attention.
those who love it, might agree on some things. they may be more culturally flexible, or simply be more open and just laugh about it. so to these people, glad you enjoyed it.
those who hate it, hmmm…..might probably have another belief on how girlfriend-ing model should look like. or it’s because they never had a chinese gf before. or because it conflicted their indoctrinated values. who knows? and for these people, you need to be more culturally diverse. you should know somewhere, somehow part of this is true, and part of this is wrong. don’t be like the assholes the joker was so happy to kill, “why so serious”?
I don’t consider myself racist. I’m probably as racist as the next college educated liberal white man. Here is my observation when it comes to American men dating/marrying Asian women:
When I see a white/black English speaking man (usually older) dating or married to an Asian woman (that english is noticeably NOT their first language), I immediately wonder what is wrong with him. As a computer programmer I see this a lot in the people that I work with. Asian women in general seem to be more forgiving or don’t notice general social awkwardness in their partners. Asians in general seem to be very repressed, and the women seem to be very willing (almost too much) to pleasing their man. I want a woman to think and act for herself and call me out on my bullshit, I have never noticed this quality in many Asian women. Asian women seem to take a lot more shit than a typical American woman and some men need this. Especially when they are so socially awkward and inept in identifying what a woman needs or wants, this is the type of man that gravitates toward fresh off the boat Asian women.
This is brilliant! Amazing, hilarious piece of writing! I’m also amazed that there are actually readers who didn’t grasp the satire!
lol. You people do realize this article is a joke, right…. Kind of sad if you missed that part…
Forty-plus years with Chinese women and
“Chinese girlfriends believe that the best way to nurture a relationship is by stripping their boyfriends of individuality, so that existence as a couple – complete with its many rules and expectations — is the only existence these men will know, and be able to survive in.”
So true, so true.
Sigh, sometimes I wonder if the Internets think that “A Modest Proposal” advocates the wholesale consumption of slow-cooked infants.
Well played, Christine, well played.
you are one stuck-up little gook, and your boyfriend is more feminine than you are. you’d get nowhere in my country as you’d be chained to the sink you f***ing yellow slapface.
Note from Shanghai Shiok: Debated over whether to delete this one or not, then decided to keep this up to remind myself that the Internet is an angry, anonymous place.
I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that the sort of man who might leave an anonymous comment referring to a woman as as a “bitch” or “gook,” is precisely the sort of man lacking the mental capacity to appreciate a parody – much less, a parody that, at its end, includes a hyperlink to the source of the parody. What part of “a 1,000-character email in the evenings, emoticons not counted” did you idiots not understand? I’m sure your mothers are all very proud.
Great satire on what I had thought was a satire (Amy Chua’s article). Very funny! Some truisms here… just like the Why Chinese Mothers are Superior article.
I won’t be reading Amy’s book, however. It hit too close to home. Just today, my chinese tiger father said that we would all be perfect like my older sister if only we (three of four) siblings did not rebel and did exactly what we were told to do.
Ivy league undergrad, top 25 law school, and he still thinks I’m a failure. So much for tiger parenting.
Keep up the great work/writing!
Your IQ is higher than the total of all those negative commentator. Hilarious piece! Keep at you great work!
We HK siblings, Hong Kong for those of you too stupid to understand, greatly applaud your satirical endeavour. We thought we’d add that it is not only Chinese girlfriends who enforce the ‘carry purse’ rule – Chinese mothers do too. Perhaps we can even generalise to ‘Chinese women’ ?
And yes, it’s never the Chinese woman’s fault. Nor the stupid ranting gwailo’s fault actually. As long as the world provides shark’s fin soup and late boarding we should all be safe from the Chinese tirades. (see youtube viral videos: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3E-PAPiuyE and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZH7GMJ1mQw ).
Good luck out there in the Tiger wilderness. Don’t forget to duck when you hear the swish of the 雞毛掃! (For those of that do not understand. Get creative with the internet translator.)
I can hear the heavy footsteps of a raging Chinese mother coming so BYE!!!!
Wow!!!! Scary s**t!!! A nation of friggin bunny boilers!!!!!!!!!
Hah, hah, like another poster said, it’s scary how many ignorant, self-righteous people commented on your article without figuring out that it was based on Chua’s WSJ article. This was so funny – I loved it! It’s sad to see that your article was taken in a TOTALLY wrong way.
Ignore the stupid comments!
@ americant
“Not everybody reads Amy-fucking-Chua, and most people don’t read the Wall Street Journal”.
first of all, I read Chua’s article (altough not on the WSJ site) and I didn’t find this spoof particularly amusing. Could have been waaaay better, given the original material.
Having said that though, its humorous intent should be evident EVEN to those who didn’t read Chua at all, and I find pretty disturbing that so many people took it so seriously.
Oh dear. I hope that you realize your regular readers, and those we’ve referred your way, find this post hysterical, one of your best (and that is a difficult bunch from which to choose). You have my vote as the funniest English-language blogger in China.
I agree with you ! We all need to be Chinese girlfriends !!!
This is hilarious!! I am now a follower of your blog
To those that did not get this.. aiya.. you people need to read more and develop a sense of humor
Haha, nicely done!
I was a little alarmed scrolling through the comments (to post this one) to see people not realizing it was a satire…
Hilarious parody.
To anyone who is laughing at those who did not see that this article was a satire, please understand that when a piece of writing is extremely biased and exaggerated, not all people immediately recognize it as a satire. Even “educated” or “intelligent” people may take a while to recognize that this was a satire.
Just because there is a difference of opinion amongst you and the other group who did not see it a satire, it does not immediately make them stupid. Do not think of yourselves as superior simply because you clicked on a link to the original document and they did not.
I think those who are offended are most likely alpha males. That being said, this satire does come with a grain of truth. I studied abroad in Shanghai and all the women are super rich/spoiled and have their men whipped. Tried dating one but she was the most ferocious, bad-tempered bitch I’ve met.
Everybody who angrily commented on this article, lighten up.
This was obviously a joke article. It was supposed to parody another recent article that came out (Why Chinese Mothers are Superior).
Anyways, I love this.
As a Western woman living in Shanghai I totally love and appreciate this article for it’s subversive humour and yes, we all laugh at the Western guys looking like little puppy dogs carrying their Chinese g/f’s handbags with doting expressions…the downside perhaps for you Chinese girls who think you’ve got everything so tightly-controlled is…you haven’t! I get hit on constantly by Western men with Chinese g/f’s and when I ask why, it’s the control thing and they think you’re boring (and psst…hate to tell you but they also think you girls are ordinary in bed)
Wow. First of all, I apologize on behalf of everyone for not understanding the meaning of SATIRE. Maybe next time link the spoofed piece at the beginning instead of the end; it would shut up a lot of inattentive people.
2nd, I know I can’t judge the whole book by just the WSJ article, but it was poor judgement to publish that excerpt in that context.
PS this was hilarious! Thank you.
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Miss Amy Chua, I really like the way you advertise your book here. And thus, I am going to the local book store and get a copy of your memoir.
Your humorous article summarizes the stereotype of Chinese girlfriends better than dozen of serious posts on the same topic.
Thanks for entertaining reading!
Gosh. This made me want to destroy some things. Obviously not a relationship model for everyone, but I appreciate how effectively you made me respond with unmitigated disgust. T’was interesting, which is more than can be said for most things.
Would like to see a correlating “small-scale” study examining rates of infidelity between Chinese and foreign girlfriends. While Chinese girlfriends are having their nails done in smug self-satisfaction, the Mr. is likely cheating on her with another woman or prostitute. Of course, foreign girlfriends meet this fate, too… though I would guess the incidence is lower. What matters to me is not that I control my boyfriend, but that I make him want to sleep with only me.
I still don’t want to read the Chua book.
Sarcasm, you dipshits.
This was hilarious
Sometimes “satire” is engaged in by people who are conflicted. Jonathan Swift was not conflicted when he proposed his “solution” to Ireland’s problems. Amy Chua sounds like she is. I read the book, found it superficial, self-indulgent, sad, and, yes, conflicted. She says things, then wants to reject them, sort of. What she and her publisher are far less conflicted about is the very very clever marketing hype. If you described this book as it actually is, rather than the WSJ stuff, it wouldn’t be having anywhere near the publicity it’s getting.
That is why her boyfriend is the way he is. It is not at all that the Chinese girlfriends are superior, it is because the Chinese girlfriends can only find these certain group of guys who can tolerate these types of behaviors or at the moment of passion suppress their discontent. a man who is a little bit more macho would not cope with her unless she change her ways. On the other hand, a strong man’s girl friend would behave the same way in a feminine sense and never boasting about how dominating her boyfriend behaves to everyone else.
Really funny. The Chinese style seems quite similar to what I observed in my two years in Korea. It was cute for a minute, but just too scripted. There are only so many times you can watch a BF say something scampish to his GF, who will proceed to whack him with her bag and respond with a fake pout and call him a jerk in her mist girlish voice. He laughs roguishly while she pretends to become even more upset. Sometimes this exchange modulates into her getting actually pissed off and then the forgiveness ritual described by Chinese GF ensues. In short, the lamest fucking thing imaginable. But if that’s what you’re into, that’s what you’re into. There’s no point in getting agitated about other people’s preferences.
Why can’t people read the comments before commenting on this themselves? THIS IS A PARODY OF AMY CHUA’S PIECE IN THE WSJ.
I get that the piece is a parody, but the thing that stops this from being funny is that it does ring true for some people. Amy Chua is a psycho and even if the author of this piece doesn’t personally exhibit these behaviours or believe this mindset, some people are unfortunately subjected to abuse just like this, otherwise it wouldn’t be drawing some of the reactions that it is.
I laughed so hard, a trail of soybean milk squirted out my nose. Freakin’ LOVE IT.
my wife is chinese, nothing like this crap!!!
we have an exceptional trust and relation, noone is above the other.
WTF, a man like that is not a man!!
This is probably the funniest thing I’ve read in response to Amy Chua’s book. Thanks for the great post! You’re absolutely hilarious.
Anyone who is offended by this needs to take a chill pill.
To everyone who appreciated the parody and got the sarcasm: a big thank you for your humorous souls, support and encouragement.
To everyone who felt very confused and thought that “Chinese girlfriend” meant every word: have another read. And read between the lines, even if you don’t find them particularly funny.
To everyone who left the lovely F words, B words and C words, and other more creative curses: all those sentiments back at ya. I don’t like censoring comments, but in this case I had to get rid of some of the worst ones. Next time you feel like being profane on my blog, please don’t.
I hadn’t even read the WSJ article and I can’t imagine treating my guy like this and yet.. and yet I found this absolutely hilarious.
Also I thought the tone of the article would make it pretty clear that though the (in this case) fictional ‘Chinese gf’ would hit her bf with her purse while calling him horrible, it was her way of loving him, in the same way that my mum locking me in the basement to practice mental arithmetic was her way of loving me (I’m kidding). And that while kids don’t really get this, fully grown adults who willingly commit to relationships do have the option of leaving the relationship if they don’t enjoy this manner of showing affection.
To Christine – I’m glad my friends linked me to this as I really enjoyed reading your other articles esp about Teacher Wang and the ‘leftover women’ phenomenon. You have a very direct and charming way with words. Please keep writing!
Ahaha this article is hilarious. It’s unfortunate that so many people missed the joke and just got angry.
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I created this parody blog as a tribute to your post, using Meme Generator and Creative Commons licensed Flickr images:
http://superiorchinesegirlfriend.wordpress.com.
Yeah, if taken seriously it would be kinda racist but we all know it’s ridiculous.
oh ha ha ha!!!
Words of wisdom! I’m going to forward to my girlfriends.
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You could have a great career as a journalist or writer, maybe even do films.
This story, even as parody, speaks to the ancient “Battle of the Sexes” that crosses all borders, religions and races.
All human interaction is about animal pecking orders, dominance and submission. Trying to actually communicate between the sexes is probably as great a challenge as world peace. Despite the stereotypes there is a little of all of us in the above.
haha my psycho chinese wife is gonna love this article! I hope the text in the long link counts towards the 1000 character e-mails.
Great article! Haha this definitely made me LOL. Actually there were some things you mentioned (apart from the obvious satire) that are true. Asian *coughChinese* women really know how to bring out the best in their men. They don’t give in easily.
Though I’m a little concerned for the people who didn’t get the satire…come on guys it shouldn’t be too hard even if you didn’t read the Amy Chua article -___-
This might be also one reason why 95% of locals I know here in Hong Kong have a 2nd wife in mainland China. Then they stay there over the weekend for “company events” or “customer visit” and get treated like superman!
Your piece just says one thing: you date what we, in the normal world, refer to as “losers”.
Imagine the tea pouring sons these wives will unleash upon the world for the next generation of Chinese girlfriends!
lol! they can’t make him carry their purse… that’s just cruel! that turns him into a sissy (or is it done purposely to make him appear unattractive to other girls?)
You guys do realize she’s kidding right? This is obviously just a writing for the purpose of making fun of Amy Chua’s article.
that reminds me the movie my sassy girlfriend.
Hi Shanghai Shiok!
I totally love this post. I am a Western woman married to a Shanghainese man (not a very typical one unfortunately, no purse carrying or chores) and your article has given me some useful strategies!
I am one of those uber laid back hippie dippie non-jealous types who values independence, but could sure put on the facade of being freakishly jealous and controlling! Chinese sit-coms provide many models of the “faux-anger fit” which I plan to study vigorously to (practicing my pout in the mirror).
I am quite good at the insult part of the relationship (merciless teasing is runs in the family) but I do need to work on my purse skills. Do you know any wushu studios in the area specializing in handbag fighting techniques? Do you recommend any brands of bag that are durable enough to withstand a few beatings a day? Is beating with a clutch also an acceptable form of affection?
R
Dang, it is really distressing how straight up racist a lot of the comments were.
I apologize for all those white alpha males who thought they had to defend themselves against a piece of satire by being inexcusably racist towards you and Chinese women.
On another note, this piece was hilarious.
Satire I know, yet completely comical and oddly therapeutic! And Christine, LV purses leave a mark! Even the fake ones! LOL
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Nice – Amy Chua with her parenting discourse and now you with how to treat your boyfriend – the world is so ready for all the Chinese torture , lol – funny post.
great article, just enough truth behind it to make it funny too
There’s another word for a boyfriend with a girlfriend like that. It’s called whipped.
LOL love this article!
BTW, I love being chained up, whipped and humiliated in public. Normally I have to pay serious money for such a service, but it looks like I can get it free from you. Will you be my girlfriend?
Very funny post. I’ve sent it to my daughter so she can get pointers.
“For a young Chinese woman, there is no better way to express love for her boyfriend than by whacking him with her purse while telling him he’s horrible.”
For an example of “whacking” in practice, and in line with the satirical nature of CT’s post, please see this excrutiatingly-painful-to-watch (for a guy) video by Canadian Youtube comic Peter Chao:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncY2rtVHKF8
(coarse language warning)
Simply Hilarious but also in a sense true especially the “Why you not call me before bed” picture.
I love this! My parents agree that this is exactly how chinese relationships are IN CHINA (and theirs). Growing up outside of China, I have different beliefs and habits, but still, I look up to my parents’ relationship as it has kept them together since they were in their early 20s–that really says something about traditional Chinese love relationships! I hope you’ll continue to write similar articles and that more “people that don’t do what you do” will understand and accept this.
You have a talent for words with wit, you really do. Keep it up
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Chinese girls dressed all in LEATHER!
Chinese girls make better lovers!
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very funny read. . . i like it! zhou tou is something i hear all the time . . .
Christine, we should team up to write an article about Why Chinese Wives are Superior. Once the Chinese girlfriend gets married to the guy, the story will get escalated. One of my male colleagues constantly talk about how often his wife calls him hey stupid…guess what, he is in his late 40s and is unselfishly providing his family with his entire love ( and entire income of course ). I happened not to have an endurable purse to whack a Chinese boyfriend, so I ended up with a non-Chinese husband. I did have to overcome my fear on my wedding that I would forever lose the opportunity to have my pink purse carried by a man.
下回见上帝时我一定会考虑清楚，上次就是太想挑战自己了，选择了魔鬼生存模式，结果当了中国男人。
Brilliant.
You’re too funny. I want more satirical pieces!
I’m racially mixed and did not know how I would be stereotyped thanks to these Chinese hookers. Every fetisher thinks I’m supposed to be this serene, submissive yet psychotic exotic animal.
I GREW UP IN THE MIDWEST FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!
I don’t know what to do here.
At the same time, these fetishers are not running up to me to hold my purse and take the insults hurled at them. So I’m kind of skeptical about this theory.
This is perfect! With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, what better present to give my boyfriend than this article?! Now he’ll count himself lucky I was brought up in Hong Kong and not Shanghai!! Hahaha, really absolutely brilliant
No idea why some people seem to think you are not serious about this. But if *you* are doing *his* homework, you are doing something wrong.
Anyway, hope you got an extra thoughtful Valentine’s day present.
the unibrow line almost made me lose it. what a hilarious piece. nothing to say to the brainless crazies who didn’t get it.
Although satirical, there is much truth in “Why Chinese Girlfriends Are Superior”. See this serious, amazingly detailed section on Dating, Sex, and Relationships in China:
http://middlekingdomlife.com/guide/dating-sex-relationships-china.htm
BTW, I’m a laowai with incurable Yellow Fever, and will likely move to Shanghai in the coming months.
I loved your parody and am really confused as to why some people took this seriously. Of course, this could be because I am an Western woman from Canada dating a Chinese man who grew up in Shanghai.
…Ooh, now I get it! This is the reason why he is so loving and attentive to me, that he apologizes every time I cry, and doesn’t mind holding my purse for me in public! Nice! Thanks to all the Chinese Women for training my man before he moved here
You shouldn’t have told everyone that it’s a parody and satirical. It destroys the fun and make those idiots smarter.
Are you kidding me lol. Now this is funny as that is exactly how western women are. Giving us space is a joke as they certainly do not. I haven’t not met one yet which doesn’t want to know what you are doing 24/7. They are rude, inconsiderate, demanding, having a since of entitlement, thinking they are owed something, having a severe image complex which has no end ( Cleopatra syndrome).That is is the man’s job to make them happy regardless of his feelings. If you aren’t complimenting her on every damn little thing she freaks out!! Is this fat on me, well ahhh yes! No not if I want to live. Believing that a man should be a man whatever the hell that means haha. What we can’t be sensitive and like cute things to. Only a gay guy likes table tennis wtf.
What a misleading article as this almost verbatim describes most women i know to a tee. Hell Chinese women should go bowling with some of my previous engagements if this is the case as would get along great. I have concluded that most women are just a waste of time, money and energy. Wait I thought women were supposed to say that of men, oh well haha. Amazing at how you ladies here say how caring and compassionate you are which is a joke. If that was the case then why are so many of you always trying to change your man into something he is not. The only real women I have ever dated was Japanese but she died due to an illness. No one will ever meet her level ever!!
A lot of these behaviors of CGF’s are very true!
Good article
The element of truth makes the satire work. But don’t blame your nasty disposition on your culture/race. It’s not fair to all the perfectly nice Chinese women out there.
Hehe, good stuff. My Chinese girlfriend does the exact opposite, doesn’t want to put any pressure on me, whatsoever. I don’t think we ever had any argument… hmmm nope, just open disagreements which seemed to disappear in favor of either or both.
But the result is the same. I’m doting. I apologize for a mistake she wasn’t even aware of. I take every opportunity to contact/meet her. I don’t ever think of other girls. It’s the only existence I care to know. Still working on the cooking…
Funny how that works. =P
Well…
To each their own.
But I do believe that people who had supportive, strong, and loving parents do not get off on that kind of shit. You can see though why soap operas are so popular. Constant emotional abuse during childhood will create adults who fixated their libido upon being scolded and/or abused. Or on arguing.
That is fine though. Those people cannot change any more anyway, so they should live their lives the way they feel is right.
It only gets complicated when people try to impose their personality on everybody else. I love my girlfriend, I give her the attention my job allows me to give, and she does the same. I do not allow any shit though. I live in a place of peace and power, and it doesn’t matter who, if you think you can disturb that peace, and disrupt the flow of that immeasurable power being mine as a result, you’ll be led to the exit swiftly and firmly.
No exceptions. No arguments. The door. To me, irritating bitches are a dime a dozen, there’s nothing special about you. It’s easier to find another (better & sexier) woman than you than it is to buy a bottle of ice-tea at the store next door.
And again: to each their own. But my (considerable but of course unrepresentative) sample of women has shown me that especially the most annoying and spoiled broads become purring kittens after experiencing what I consider a real man.
Race is real. It’s not uncommon for Asian women to behave in this way. What people describe as clinginess is actually considered normal in an Asian society. Asian males and Asian females are more likely to be obsessed with each other. By the way, this is why females who castrate cheating husbands and boyfriends tend to be Asian.
If you look at pop music in East Asia, you will see a plethora of sappy love songs where the guy sings about how he likes a girl so much that it hurts. Contrast this to the black man’s rap songs about getting a “booty call.”
I don’t think this is because of culture either. As an Asian raised in America, I still have this same type of personality. I am one of those guys who gets really attached to his girlfriend. An average white woman would look at me as the “male version of a female friend” while an average Latina woman would look at me as a wimp. Asian women, however, are more likely to think I am romantic for being attached.
Note: I was not raised in a large Asian immigrant community either. The place where I was raised had few Asians. Yet my personality is more like that of the stereotypical Asian.
This predisposition towards being attached to your girlfriend is probably why a large number of Asian males have a tough time getting a date in America. Unlike Asian women, white women are not that into men who are strongly attached to them. Darker women like Latinos, Africans, etc. are even less interested.
As for why Asians behave in this matter, it is probably because of evolution. Most people do not know that the ancestors of Asians evolved in Siberia near Lake Baikal during the last ice age. In such an environment, life was very harsh. Food did not grow all year round and the construction of warm clothes and shelter was important as well.
The harsh tundra of Siberia of course meant people who have stronger family values would last longer than those who only think about themselves. The “player” who doesn’t stick around to help raise the children are the ones who fail to produce any offspring that live long enough to continue the family line. Without the help of the father, a single parent family would be unable to survive in Siberia. Such an environment requires both parents to be together to help each other.
As a result, those “clingy” males are more likely to pass on children. Since they have a strong emotional attachment to their wife and children, they will of course not want to leave.
Nice guys don’t finish last in Asian countries.
LOL. The only kind of male that will let you do all that to him probably looks like a troll and desperate. These are not the traits of a self-respecting male.
If you look down on white guys or Asian women due to this article (or due to the stereotypes that you’ve fabricated in your head) … grow up! But that’s the problem, a lot of persons, especially in the case of bi-racial (relationships), use satire as fuel for their ignorant stereotypical racist fire. Relationships are tough, they require work – no matter what culture you’re from. Also, it’s quite immature and tasteless to label a person in a bi-racial relationship as a “fetishist/er” – I doubt that those persons truly appreciate that true love can happen between persons from different races, or appreciate what love relationships require … grow up.
You need to stop putting down Chinese women and especially Shanghai women. Read two of your blog posts which seem to revolve around superiority of other women (Malaysian specifically) over Chinese girls, and how Chinese girls are clingy. You may want to re-evaluate your motives about why you put these girls down. I am a shanghai girl and I can tell you that most of the girls I know and myself are NOT like the above. We are affectionate and not bossy, we are family oriented and most conservative. I suspect that you’re coming from a place of insecurity. Are you single? You’re wasting your time, better to spend it on something more productive, like educating yourself out of the pitt of ignorance.
“Chinese girlfriends believe that the best way to nurture a relationship is by stripping their boyfriends of individuality, so that existence as a couple – complete with its many rules and expectations — is the only existence these men will know, and be able to survive in.”
What utter bull!!!!!
Don’t be jealous that Chinese girls are getting the boys, because that’s exactly what it sounds like. Stop putting them down. They are not a bunch of sadistic overbearing pants-wearing psychos that you draw them out to be.
For starters, Chinese culture is highly collective and for a couple to tell each other ‘exactly’ what they’re thinking isconsidered a good thing and a part of the social and cultural norm in China. You’re twisting and sensationalising a basic normal social standard and making it sound like a freak show. Shame on you!
Quote from the very, very beginning of the post:
No one is taking this seriously. Calm down and enjoy your Sunday night. Thanks for stopping by.
Dear readers,
I loved writing this post, and had so much fun coming up with a “Chinese girlfriend” version of Amy Chua’s “Chinese Tiger mother.” This post is a parody and a satire. I was reluctant to put up a disclaimer, afraid that it would detract from the enjoyment of this post. However, many people have either chosen to ignore that disclaimer, or have chosen to take this post much more seriously than I intended them to. This comment thread has had enough abuse, and as of today, comments are closed.
Thank you to everyone, both Chinese and non-Chinese, who laughed, kept laughing, and encouraged me to keep writing.
Best, Christine
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